


come what may (we'll make it through)

by sobsicles



Series: Change One Thing [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland Friendship, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Angry Alec Lightwood, Bisexual Jace Wayland, Camille Belcourt Being An Asshole, Change One Thing series, Feels, Happy Ending, Lesbian Clary Fray, Light Angst, M/M, Magnus is the best, Mundane Simon Lewis, Oblivious Simon, Pansexual Simon Lewis, Protective Jace Wayland, Supportive Clary Fray, Supportive Jace Wayland, Vampire Simon Lewis, but for good reasons, is there ever a good reason to lie???, jace is lowkey a liar, okay this is just a lot of fun, we shall see
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-18 18:49:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20317777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sobsicles/pseuds/sobsicles
Summary: Simon tracks Clary's phone, but Clary's nowhere to be found. Someone else is, though.~~~"I- I'm looking for my friend." Simon clears his throat and quickly ducks down to scoop up his phone. "Maybe you can help me? She's, uh, got red hair and is about this tall." He holds his hand up to a little above his shoulder. "She's pretty, usually has on a pair of converse, smiles a lot. She's missing and I'm really worried about her.""I'm sorry to say that I haven't seen her," Jace tells him with what appears to be genuine regret.





	come what may (we'll make it through)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I'm back again, but this time, I'm making a series :D 
> 
> That's right, this is the first fic of the Change One Thing series, which is aptly named as it references what will be happening in each fic. I will be changing one aspect of canon and exploring how that changes things! So, with that being said, enjoy the first installment ;)

Simon isn't freaking out. 

Okay, lie. He  _ is  _ freaking out, but not to the point that he's going to call the police. Well, he's already tried Luke four times, but he's not desperate enough to dial 911 just yet. Close, but not quite. 

The moment he makes it to the old, abandoned church, he considers calling the cops on principle alone. The churchyard is shrouded in darkness and cracked cobblestone, dead weeds lining the rotting wood of the building; the place looks ready to topple over, and Simon has no plans to be within spitting distance when it does - which may be in two minutes if the straining structure is anything to go by. That's not including the tall, draping trees that seem to only add to the 'you might be here for drugs, or maybe death' ambiance that the place lets off in waves. Simon severely wants to go home. 

Only… Clary is here. 

Well, she's not here - as in,  _ outside.  _ His phone, however, tells him that she's within twenty feet. As far as he can see, she's not actually outside, which suggests she's  _ inside,  _ and Simon suddenly wishes he was in love with literally anyone else. 

He's not, though. Well, he has wondering eyes, which he figures is completely fair; he's certainly not on Clary's radar, so he's not going to anchor himself  _ fully  _ to her. He looks at others, even if he yearns for her. Still, it'd be nice if she could see him the way he sees her. And he's here anyway, despite the fact that she doesn't. But that isn't the  _ point.  _ Clary is his best friend - unrequited love or not, he's going to do everything and anything to make sure she's okay. 

The church looms. 

Okay, so Simon's  _ very  _ terrified, but still. He's sticking to his guns, dammit. This is about Clary. When he finds her, he's going to go into a full rant about the endless ways she nearly gave him a heart attack, starting with the daunting feeling that hangs over him now as he peers into the darkness. 

"You lost?" 

Simon nearly comes out of his skin. He yelps and fumbles with his phone, dropping it to the damp grass as he jolts at least a foot in the air. His heart has never echoed so loud in his ears before; it takes him a moment before he can even hear the sounds of his own heavy breathing. 

Leaning against a tree, a guy with blond hair cocks his head and regards Simon in open amusement. He's young, wrapped in a leather jacket, and there's an ease in his body that sends alarm bells ringing in Simon's head. Everything about this guy - from the perfectly tousled hair, to one scuffed boot crossed over the other in the picture of peak relaxation - screams danger. It  _ might  _ also have to do with the setting, but Simon's abruptly questioning his lifespan after this. 

"Uh," Simon says eloquently, frozen with his hand halfway reaching to the ground for his phone. 

Blond guy chuckles. "I  _ said,  _ are you lost? Not many people come out here." 

"You're here," Simon replies sharply, narrowing his eyes. He nearly stumbles back a step when the guy pushes away from the tree. Simon holds his hands out and blurts, "Stay back!" 

_ "I'm  _ here because I live around here." Blond guy tosses his head, golden strands of hair swishing back in a practiced move. He holds his hands up, as if surrendering. "Relax, I'm not going to attack you. My name is Jace. Yours?" 

Simon relaxes only a bit. "Lewis. No. Um, Simon. I'm Simon, not Lewis- well, that's my last- you know what, you don't need to know that." 

"Jace Wayland." Jace offers an amused smile and steps forward again, his arms slowly lowering. "So, Simon Lewis, what brings you out here?" 

Simon is mildly bothered that this random stranger now knows his full name because of a simple slip up on his part. Not for the first time, he wishes he was a lot smoother than he is. Like this guy.  _ This guy  _ is very smooth, all charming smiles and calm demeanor - despite the heaps of danger that he seems to exude without meaning to. Simon supposes that's normal when you look like you've stepped right out of a fucking magazine. Jesus  _ Christ,  _ Jace is attractive, even in the dim lighting. 

"I- I'm looking for my friend." Simon clears his throat and quickly ducks down to scoop up his phone. "Maybe you can help me? She's, uh, got red hair and is about this tall." He holds his hand up to a little above his shoulder. "She's pretty, usually has on a pair of converse, smiles a lot. She's missing and I'm really worried about her." 

Jace shoves his hands into his pockets and stops a few paces in front of Simon. Slowly, his eyes crawl from Simon's eyes to his shoes, surveying him from head-to-toe and then back up again. There's a considering expression on his face, like he's thinking hard about something. With one look, one so heavy that he feels it like an actual touch on sensitive skin, Simon's effectively rendered mute; his throat is seriously dry, so he swallows. 

"I'm sorry to say that I haven't seen her," Jace tells him with what appears to be genuine regret. "This isn't exactly the spot people come to hang out. Why would she be here, if you don't mind me asking?" 

Simon coughs and rubs his hands up and down his arms, a little uncomfortable at the battle currently going on within his body. It's cold outside, the brittle sting of it prickling over his skin, but he feels heat bloom underneath, as if it crawls through his veins. It's all very confusing. 

"I, uh, tracked her phone. I mean- wow, that sounds creepy. No, she's been missing and something happened at her home, so everyone's just- we're all worried. Anyway, according to  _ my  _ phone, her phone should be around here, hopefully with her." 

"Maybe she dropped it." 

"Maybe," Simon agrees glumly. He sighs. "Still, I have to look, at least. Uh, is this place condemned, or-" 

Jace cuts him off with, "I'm not sure, but you can't trespass. I'm sorry, but you're on private property." 

Simon blinks. Suspicion rears its ugly head, making him stand taller. "Wait, so are you. Unless… is this  _ your  _ property? If it is, do you mind if I take a look? Because if it  _ is,  _ and you  _ do  _ mind, then that's pretty much solidifying that you have something to hide." 

"What are you, a detective?" Jace snorts and rolls his eyes. "No, it's not my property. I'm just letting you know you'll get in trouble for being here. You should probably head on home." 

Simon probably should. He doesn't. "Right, but if it's private property, what are you doing here?" 

"I saw someone and came to investigate. Not the first time I've had to warn people away." 

"Right, so  _ you're  _ the detective." 

"Not exactly," Jace says easily. "Anyway, I'm sorry about your friend. I do hope everything works out for you, man."

"Yeah, I'm not leaving." Simon does his best to sound confident. It must work because Jace's eyebrows fly up. "I think I'll take my chances. I have to check, at least. If I don't find anything, I'll head home." 

With that, Simon shoves down as much of his anxiety as he can and marches forward, overly aware of Jace as he moves to go past him. A hand snags his arm, stopping him in his tracks, and he immediately plays his death in his mind in perfect technicolor, each scenario more dramatic than the one before it. Simon is partially shaking from the thoughts of his impending doom and just slightly trembling from Jace's proximity. 

It should be weird, all things considered. This guy is a complete stranger, has an aura of danger, and doesn't seem ill at ease with a stranger lurking around private property. Attractive or not, he shouldn't be so…  _ magnetizing,  _ but Simon's heart thumps unevenly as Jace angles his body towards his, chest brushing Simon's arm. Jace is incredibly warm and, up this close, he's unfairly pretty. 

Simon is young, optimistic, and full of adrenaline from daunting scenarios he's playing like movies in his head. He also apparently has a pension for getting turned on when he's scared. Who knew; he certainly didn't. Looks like you  _ do  _ learn something new about yourself in life or death situations, if this is one, and Simon's inclined to believe it is. He'll just be embarrassed if it's not, at this point. 

"Yeah," Jace murmurs, "I can't let you do that. It really will be in your best interest to head home, Simon. If your friend comes around, I'll notify the police, okay?" 

"No,  _ not  _ okay." Simon jerks his arm from Jace's grip and glares at him. "I'm going to-" 

"I'll look for you," Jace interrupts diplomatically, his smile gentle and calm. "How about this? I'll check the place thoroughly for your friend, and  _ if  _ I find her, I'll let you know." He reaches in his jacket pocket and fishes out his phone, passing it over to Simon without any hesitance. "Here, put your number in my phone and I'll give you a call if  _ anything  _ turns up." 

Simon stares at the slightly outdated phone, eyebrows pinching together. "Why?" he asks. 

"Well, I really wouldn't want you to get into trouble, and it's really unfortunate that your friend is missing. If I can help in any way, I want to." 

"You don't even know me,  _ or  _ her. I could be a serial killer;  _ she  _ could be my victim." 

Jace gives Simon another slow look, eyes dragging up and down his body yet again. "Right," he says flatly, lips twitching, "I'll keep that in mind." 

Simon sighs and programs his number into Jace's phone, lips tipped down. Jace gives a slightly mocking wave as he heads back to his van. 

When he finds Clary, he's going to rant for  _ at least  _ an hour or two.    
  


* * *

The following evening, Simon's right back at the churchyard. He knows it's probably a bad idea, but he's not sure what else to do. 

Jace never messaged him, plus Clary's phone is still right here, and Simon's not going to be able to rest if he leaves any stones unturned. If he can just check the church and find nothing, then he'll be onto the next clue without a problem. Yet, he's being thwarted  _ again.  _ And yep, you guessed it, the unfortunate thwarting happens from Jace the second time too, which isn't helping Simon's rampid theories on the matter. 

Maybe  _ Jace  _ is the serial killer. God, all the pretty guys are taken or fucked up. 

"I thought I said I'd call you." Jace steps from behind a tree with a sigh, frowning slightly. "You really don't know how to give up, do you?" 

Simon shoots him an annoyed look. "Not in my nature, unfortunately." That isn't true, exactly. He gives up plenty, just not on what matters. "And I realized that you have my number, but I don't have  _ yours.  _ Doesn't seem fair, considering everything. Besides, I was hoping you wouldn't be hanging out here again tonight." 

"At least you're honest." Jace smiles and shakes his head, crossing his arms. "Give me your phone." 

"No," Simon says simply. 

"You don't trust easily, do you?" 

"No, not really. Send me a text." 

Jace's lips curl up. "Fine." 

A moment, then Simon's phone pings. He now has Jace's number. "Did you check out the church?" 

"I did, actually." Jace takes in a deep breath, shrugging slightly and clicking his teeth. "Not teeming with activity, as I'm sure you can imagine. Mostly just some vermin and dust. Lots of spiders. No missing friend, sadly." 

"Shit," Simon mutters, reaching up to scrub at his forehead. Worry gnaws at his heart, making his chest ache with anxiety. With feeling, he chokes out a rough, "Fuck, this can't be happening." 

Jace sighs quietly. "Hey, don't do that. I'm sure your friend is okay." 

Simon glares at him through watery eyes, fidgeting as he starts pacing a small circuit, mind flipping wildly from scenario to scenario. "Easy for you to say! You haven't lost someone you care about!" 

Almost as soon as the words are out, Simon regrets them. They make him pause, make his mind quiet for a split second. He doesn't know Jace at all, doesn't know his story, doesn't know what he's lost or gained, and it's really messed up for Simon to take his panic out on some stranger. He clears his throat and side eyes Jace apologetically. 

"Sorry," he mumbles, "that was rude. I- I don't even know you, or what you've lost, or haven't, and I'm just- I'm  _ really  _ stressed out." 

"I've lost things, but you only put up with it for so long. Either you stop having things to lose, or you don't let them get taken," Jace says simply, not seeming bothered by Simon's momentary lapse of normal behavior. 

Simon swallows thickly. "Which one is it for you?" 

"Both," Jace replies with a grim smile. 

"I- I'm sorry for bothering you. I'm just-" 

"I can help you." 

Simon is just as surprised as Jace looks by that abrupt offer. They blink at each other, both thrown for a loop, which Simon thinks is entirely unfair; it's  _ Jace's  _ words, after all. But Simon knows - possibly better than most - what it's like to just blurt shit out, especially in a panic, then be stunned by what fell out of his mouth. Poor Jace looks as if he's experiencing that particular phenomenon for the very first time. Either way, Simon's gotten himself into plenty of trouble from that terrible habit, so it's slightly self-indulgence when he refuses to let Jace off the hook. Misery loves company, but so does panic-induced idiocy, apparently. 

"Okay," Simon says before Jace can't even try to backtrack. "I was going to go look at a few other places tonight after leaving here. Some of them aren't the best, so it'd be nice to have someone who's more intimidating to come with me." 

Jace looks delighted. "You think I'm intimidating?" 

"You telling me there are people who think you  _ aren't?"  _ Simon returns the favor from the previous night, masking the desire to do this with pointedness, and looks Jace over. He's genuinely more attractive than necessary. "Anyway, I'm driving, so I can drop you back off here." 

"I don't know if it's in my best interest to go off with a possible serial killer." 

"Hey, you offered." 

Jace sighs. "Yeah, I guess I did." 

Simon gives a tight smile, though no less smug, and heads off towards his van. He's wary enough as it is, so he keeps his body angled to the side to watch Jace at all times. Jace, apparently, thinks that's amusing and doesn't even attempt to hide his smirk. 

"First stop," Simon announces as soon as they've slid into their seats, "we're going to a place I haven't been in years. It's a bit of a drive from here, but my friend and I used to go there a lot. Maybe if something happened and she needed to hide, she'd go there. No one else knows about it, not as far as I know." 

Jace clears his throat. "You said something about her house. Was there a, uh, break in?" 

"Not entirely sure  _ what  _ it was." Simon frowns as he drives farther out of the quiet neighborhood. "I probably wasn't technically supposed to see it. When I couldn't get in touch with her, I went there. It was  _ trashed.  _ I mean, it looked like it was raided or something. I called her step-dad and he flipped out, made me leave, and I haven't been back since. But she wouldn't go back if something horrible happened there, and I'm pretty sure something did. Can't find her mom, either." 

"Her mom is missing but her step-dad isn't?" 

"It's… complicated. He's not  _ actually  _ her step-dad, but he might as well be. I'm close with him too, but he's not saying much on the matter. He's the police, so he's investigating it, I'm sure." 

"I see." Jace gives a quiet hum. "So, how long have you been in love with her? Does she know?" 

Simon nearly slams on the brakes as he chokes on nothing but air, his eyes bulging as he shoots a quick look over. Jace simply watches him, lips curled up in a slightly mocking smirk. Which, that's not  _ fair.  _ It can't be that obvious, can it? So obvious that a complete stranger just picks up on it that easily. Jesus, maybe he needs to dial it back a notch. 

Clearing his throat, Simon mutters, "She's my best friend. We've known each other since we were kids; it's not… like that." 

"Uh huh," Jace replies doubtfully. "So, you just regularly go around mildly breaking laws for all your friends? Seems to me that you're going a little above and beyond for just a friend." 

"Maybe you have shitty friends," Simon snaps, turning on his turn signal and taking the right a little sharper than necessary. Jace huffs. "Or maybe,  _ you're  _ the shitty friend." 

"Or  _ maybe,  _ you're getting defensive because I'm right. Does she know?" Jace asks again. 

Simon bites his bottom lip, feeling full to the brim with stress and endless confessions.  _ No one  _ knows this; he hasn't been brave enough to tell a soul. And it's not like he has a lot of friends anyway, none especially that don't know Clary. He hasn't been able to admit this to anyone but himself, or talk about it, and it's eating away at him. 

He knows he shouldn't say anything, though he doesn't know what it could hurt. It's not like Jace  _ knows  _ Clary, and if he ever met her, he probably wouldn't say anything - hopefully. But still, he's fairly sure that this is the kind of secret that opens the doorway to blackmail; he's in touch with himself enough to admit that he'd probably do anything to keep it from getting back to Clary. 

Still, when he opens his mouth to deny it yet again, the truth pours out of him like a bubbling substance awaiting the chance to explode. His lips part and it tumbles out of him without even an ounce of resistance. He's helpless to stop it. 

"God, I've been head over heels for  _ at least  _ two years now. It's- it is so fucking exhausting. Because, look, I love her as a best friend and that is so  _ easy,  _ but being in love with her on top of that is just- it's like juggling too many things at once. And it's even worse because she  _ doesn't  _ know! Not like it's not obvious, and sometimes I think she doesn't  _ want  _ to know, but I can't risk our friendship because I did the stupid thing and gained feelings for her. Wanna know the worst part? I don't even know if I want to go any further and risk losing what we have now. I- I mean, she was there for me through so much shit, and she's so  _ important,  _ you have no idea. It's like I don't even know if it's true at all because I can't take that leap, so I'm not sure if it's real feelings or me taking the safe route and falling in love with my best friend, who's unobtainable, so I can just avoid the risk of ever getting hurt by someone else! Ya know?" 

When he's finished, he's panting. The silence that follows his rant rings in his ears as at least half the tension in his frame seeps out of him all at once. Well, he does feel better. Mostly. Awkwardness creeps in and he risks a quick glance over at Jace. 

Jace has lost his mocking smirk and is simply blinking at him. "Wow," he says. "Feel better?" 

"A bit," Simon admits, clearing his throat. "Um, sorry about that. I just- I don't know." 

"No, it's fine. I mean, I didn't know  _ anyone  _ was capable of being that mixed up about something, but okay. Have you considered that you're just overthinking it a little?" 

"Dude, you have no  _ idea.  _ Overthinking things is pretty much my tagline. But still, that's what happens when love gets involved, right?" 

Jace clicks his tongue. "Wouldn't know, I've never been in love before." 

"Well, don't," Simon murmurs. "It sucks." 

"Do you want my opinion?" 

"Sure, why not? It's not like I probably haven't already thought of it myself." 

"Well,  _ I  _ think that you're severely worried about something you shouldn't. I might not know about love, but I know about having a best friend. Funnily enough, mine happens to be in love with me - or he  _ thinks  _ he is, anyway - and as the best friend on the opposite end of that, I can guarantee you that the friendship wouldn't be ruined if it was broached." 

"Wait, rewind. You tellin' me that your best friend is in love with you, a fact that you're very aware of, and you aren't, like, worried about it?" 

"Nah," Jace says easily. "I can't blame him, I  _ am  _ amazing; besides, he's the most important person in this world to me, so nothing as simple as unrequited love could tear us apart - I won't  _ let it.  _ One day, it  _ will  _ come up, but we'll move on and do what we have to. Either way, he's always my best friend." 

Simon chews his lips for a moment. "You haven't- I mean, you don't even…  _ consider  _ it? I- I just-" 

"Oh yeah, for sure." Jace makes a small noise in the back of his throat, not quite a laugh. "There are certain things that would make it awkward, but I did sit down and ask myself if it was something I could actually  _ do.  _ If I could, I would in a heartbeat. Save him the pain, at least. But unfortunately, I'm just not capable of seeing him as more than a brother. He thinks I'm straight; I let him because it's easier." 

"Maybe she knows," Simon muses, blinking rapidly as he considers that. "Like you know, maybe. She'd probably try, if I told her, but it wouldn't- I don't think she'd be all in. Do you feel guilty? About your situation, I mean." 

Jace snorts. "I used to, at first. But I figured it out. He's not actually in love with me, just the  _ idea  _ of me. Being gay isn't exactly… accepted in our family, or where we work. I'm into girls, so I can be as frivolous as I want; people laugh it off, don't give it weight, but he doesn't have that option. I'm easy because I'm safe - like you said: unobtainable." 

"Shit," Simon says weakly, taking a left and driving them up to the lower tunnel that he hasn't seen in years. He throws the van in park and stares out the windshield without actually seeing anything. "That sounds scarily close to my own situation, except she's not a guy." 

"Probably be easier if she was," Jace says with a chuckle, apparently amused at his own joke. 

Simon sighs. "No, not really. She could be  _ any  _ gender, or none at all, and it wouldn't matter. You're talking to a raging pansexual here, so I'm kind of screwed no matter what." 

Jace sucks a breath through his lips sharply in sympathy, smacking his teeth. "That's rough." 

"Yeah," Simon agrees solemnly. He pauses a beat, thoughts tangled up, then coughs. "Well, I'll probably never figure it out if I can't  _ find  _ her." 

"Right." Jace unclicks his seatbelt and frowns, eyebrows drawing together. "Where exactly are we?" 

Simon quirks a small smile. "You'll see."    
  


* * *

The tunnel seems as abandoned as it did the first time he and Clary stumbled upon it in the summer after eighth grade. It's not quite dark outside, just around dusk, but the mouth of the tunnel quickly swallows any natural light. It gapes wide and tall, smells faintly of damp leaves, and has the illusion that it stretches on forever. In fact, from one end to the other, it's about the length of four lanes of traffic, at most. 

Jace pauses at the entrance. "You and your best friend used to come here for  _ fun?"  _

"Yeah," Simon replies cheerfully, digging out his phone and readying the flashlight. "It was a blank canvas and has great acoustics. Come on." 

With that, Simon clicks on the light and leads the way in. Clary's old art is slightly faded, but no less beautiful, and he watches Jace admire it in open appreciation. To be fair, it really is amazing; Clary had been going through a mandala phase, so the concrete walls were blooming in color and obscure shapes. Simon remembers strumming his guitar while Clary worked, how they'd existed in each other's spaces so comfortably. After his dad had passed away, Clary would spend hours here with him, just being there through it, making art and encouraging him to learn the guitar. 

Fuck, Simon misses her. 

"Did she do this?" Jace asks quietly. 

"Yeah. She's an artist. This was her earlier work; most of it, anyway. We'd come here together, and she'd do art while I did music." 

"Oh? What kind of music?" 

"Not much back then," Simon admits with a quiet chuckle. "I didn't start young, not like her, but I stuck with it. I'm in a band now, play guitar and keyboard, write music and sing it." 

Jace hums. "You any good?" 

"I think so, but maybe I'm biased. It's not so much a band as it is me and one other girl, or it  _ was.  _ I haven't booked a gig or tried anything with Rock Solid Panda - that's the name, for now anyway - since my best friend went missing. It's mostly for fun, but it's what I enjoy." 

"And she - the girl in your band, I mean - isn't upset about the hiatus?" 

Simon grimaces. "I'm not sure, I've mostly been avoiding her. Maureen is… great, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't care about the band as much as I do. Besides, between Accounting, looking for my friend, and being stressed out… I haven't exactly had time for music." 

"Accounting?" Jace echoes curiously. 

"Yeah." Simon swings his phone towards Jace, watching him flinch away from the light as it shines right in his eyes. "It's what I'm majoring in at college. It was, uh, more my mom's idea than mine; I'm good with numbers, but it isn't my passion. But hey, it's a good cushion because the money and career options are there. It's the adult thing to do, anyway." 

Jace hums again, sounding pensive. "You did it to make your mom happy." 

"Something like that. Sort of. Plus, in the long run, it's a better idea. What about you?" 

"What about me?" 

"College?" Simon prompts, eyebrows drawing together in faint confusion. 

"Um," Jace says uncertainty. 

"Oh. That's- I mean, it's cool. Some people take time off after high school, or they don't go at all, which is okay. It's  _ all  _ okay." 

"Right. Well, I… work. Have been since I stopped training. It's kind of a family business thing, except really extensive. I don't get out much."

Simon blinks, faintly surprised. "Oh, well that's pretty cool too. It's probably really nice to automatically have somewhere to go. Just knowing that you have a steady job and income must take a lot of weight off your shoulders. Did you want to? I mean, do you like it?" 

"Yes," Jace answers without hesitation. "It's important work and I'm- well, I'm really good at it. Dangerous as it is, I couldn't imagine doing anything else; I wouldn't want to." 

"Dangerous?" Simon mutters, frowning. 

"Ah," Jace says delicately, halting in his tracks as his face spasms through a few expressions. He takes a moment, then clears his throat. "Well, there can sometimes be issues with the… pests that we, uh, take care of." 

"Oh! You're an exterminator?" 

"I… am, of sorts." 

Simon bobs his head, lifting the flashlight so it points towards the ceiling, lighting their faces but never blinding them. "That's awesome! You know, if you think about it, you're kind of a hero. I mean, for lesser people like me who would absolutely lose their shit if they found a raccoon in their room." 

"You could say that," Jace agrees, sounding genuinely amused now, his lips curling up. "In fact, you could say that I, uh, save people just like you all the time. Those who are… mundane." 

"Did you just call me  _ mundane?"  _

"Looks like." 

Simon wrinkles his nose. "I'm  _ not  _ mundane. I'm… I'm actually very- well, I'm not mundane, oh my god. Anyway, I will admit that your job is a lot more dangerous than I could handle. Jeez, you probably have to deal with snakes and shit, right?" 

Jace is silent for a moment, then he slowly and carefully says, "I have encountered a snake before, yes. Why? Are you scared of them?" 

"You'll find that there's not a whole lot that I'm not scared of." Simon snorts quietly and turns back around to walk deeper into the tunnel. "Oh man, I remember the day she wrote this." He casually runs his fingers over the faded words that read:  _ Lewis & Fray VS. The World.  _ "We used to joke that we'd title our graphic novel that, especially when we were younger. Now that we're actually  _ doing  _ a graphic novel, we changed our minds. I don't know what I'm going to do if she- if I can't-" 

And as sudden as that, Simon's having to fight valiantly to hold back a fresh wave of tears. The longer he goes without knowing if she's okay, the worse he feels. It's the not knowing that's eating at him; if he could just be sure that she's  _ okay…  _

"You'll see her again, Simon," Jace murmurs. 

"And if I don't? What if-  _ God,  _ I can't even fathom the possibility that she's-" 

"Then  _ don't.  _ I'm sure she's okay. Just- just don't let it fuck you up too much." 

Simon takes in a deep, shaky breath. "Thanks," he croaks out, swallowing thickly. 

"Don't mention it," Jace mumbles, sounding slightly awkward as he surveys the walls. 

"You're not really the warm-and-fuzzy type, are you?" Simon asks quietly. 

Jace arches an eyebrow. "How'd you guess?" 

Simon just snorts and shakes his head as he leads farther into the tunnel. It's about halfway in that he realizes he's practically setup to be a victim to murder. They're in a dark tunnel, no one knows he's here, and the only other person who knows the place even exists - besides, maybe, the government who had it built - is also missing with no sign of being found. This feels like the beginning of one of those episodes where they talk about serial killers. 

To say that he's anxious as hell throughout the entire tunnel would be like saying the sky is only as big as the eye can see. 

Jace seems to like silence, however. He's more at ease, at least. He helps scour the tunnel and make sure Clary's not trapped or something, but there's not even a sign of her, so they head back out. When they step outside, Simon releases a relieved breath, which earns him an amused look from Jace. 

"Don't laugh at me," Simon grumbles, eyeing Jace suspiciously. "I'm still not entirely convinced that you're not a serial killer." 

Jace rolls his eyes. "I'm not going to kill you, Simon. You're turning out to be more interesting than I thought you were." 

Simon stares at him. "That doesn't help me feel any better, Jace. You  _ do  _ know that, right?" 

"I'm aware," Jace replies with a little smirk. 

"Come on, the next stop is a bit more crowded." 

"I could kill you in a crowded room and no one would even notice." 

"I don't know you well enough to know if you're joking or not." 

"Which is why it's so much fun." 

Simon can't help it, he laughs. Shaking his head, he starts towards the van. "You're ridiculous. Come on."    
  


* * *

Jace, as it turns out, knows of Pandemonium. 

That doesn't really surprise Simon, most people do. It's a pretty common club for people in their age group, plus it's one of the best clubs in Brooklyn. What  _ does  _ surprise Simon is how Jace reacts to it. When they pull in, Jace tenses in his seat and clenches his jaw, lips tipping down at the corners. 

"You think your friend is hanging out at a club after her house was raided?" Jace asks snidely. 

Simon shoots him a frown. "I don't assume anything. And  _ actually,  _ this is where some weird stuff started happening. Well,  _ she  _ started being weird here; I was actually getting a little concerned." 

"What kind of weird stuff?" 

"She kind of freaked out. I don't know what was wrong, but she started talking to people that weren't there. I know that sounds insane, but she wasn't joking around; she  _ genuinely  _ thought there was somebody there. Maybe she came back to try and see them again." 

Jace arches an eyebrow. "You say there was nobody there, but you also think she saw someone?" 

"She's my best friend," Simon mumbles, unclicking his seatbelt. "It's not even about being in love with her, if I am, but I don't think she went spontaneously insane, and it would be messed up if I didn't believe her. Besides, just because I didn't notice someone doesn't mean I didn't overlook them." 

"Uh huh." Jace grunts, turning to survey Simon closely, eyes trailing over him. "Simon Lewis, you are a different breed of mundane." 

Simon cracks a smile. "Thanks, I think?" 

They head in without saying much more. Jace looks a little offended that he has to stand in line to wait to get in the building, claiming that it's stupid, but he stuffs his hands into his leather jacket pockets with only slight grumbling. Simon's incapable of being still or silent, unlike Jace, so he spends the majority of the time jabbering on as the line moves up. 

Jace, for all that he screams danger, is mostly polite and helps keep the conversation going. He hums in the right places, nods when there's a pointed pause, and answers questions with half his attention. He seems focused on the multitude of people milling about, eyes scanning the crowd like they're might be something to exterminate within. 

By the time they reach the door, Simon's learned that Jace has tattoos all over his body, as does most of his family because that's apparently a thing that happens. Turns out, he's adopted and his best friend is also his adopted brother, which is probably why that love situation is so awkward. Also, oddly enough, he doesn't seem to know much about the modern world; it's as if he knows just enough to pass for mostly normal, but nowhere near as much as he needs to actually  _ be  _ normal. Seriously, Jace really doesn't get out much. 

Once they're allowed inside, Jace scans the room a couple of times before turning to Simon. "Well, do you see her?" 

"No," Simon admits.

"Okay," Jace says, "let's go." 

"Uh, hold up, Captain America," Simon blurts, grabbing his arm before he can duck back towards the door. "This is a big club with plenty of places for people to be. If you're not comfortable, you can wait outside, but I'm looking around." 

Jace's nostrils flare as he clenches his jaw, but he doesn't tug out of Simon's grip. "Fine, let's make this quick. And  _ don't  _ talk to anyone." 

"Fine, whatever." Simon snorts and curls his hand into Jace's elbow to tug him along. "Let's go." 

Simon looks everywhere he can think to go. They walk the halls, stop by the bar, even check in the storage closets. There's an upstairs that usually deals with VIP guests, so the closest they can get is the velvet rope that crosses it off. Simon nearly faceplants as he leans over to look around, then gets ran off by security who don't care that he's looking for someone. Jace doesn't say much, but he lets Simon keep ahold of his arm, so that's nice of him. Plus, the arm is unfairly warm and thick, so Simon clings to it and hopes it's not obvious how much he'd like to feel up his arms. 

The atmosphere of the club is very potent. Everywhere he looks, people are dancing or kissing or trying to get off in some vaguely shrouded corner. Just so happens, Clary isn't anywhere to be found. But Simon isn't willing to give up just yet. Without preamble, he drags Jace towards the back where the strobe lights are at their worst, and there's the club owner sitting where he always is. 

Simon doesn't actually know his name, but he does know that people generally don't fuck with him. With good reason, Simon thinks. The man is mysterious and, no matter your sexuality, ridiculously attractive. Between the hair that looks done up with magic, the smoky khol surrounding his eyes, and downright illegal outfits that give the sense of a pirate or, at the very least, someone who could end you without so much as twitching a finger… well, it's safe to say that he's an enigma wrapped in  _ a lot  _ of questions marks. And also fear. Before today, Simon wouldn't have touched him with a ten foot pole, but desperate times and all that. 

Jace tries to dig his heels in when he sees where they're heading, but he's too late. Simon's already yanked them front and center before he can actually stop the momentum. There's no security surrounding the man, which Simon thinks is slightly odd, but he's sprawled out with numerous different women and men who are practically salivating at having him underneath their hands. 

The man looks between Simon and Jace slowly, pausing on Jace for one long beat. Then, he flicks his gaze to Simon and asks, "Can I help you?" 

"Hi," Simon breathes, then clears his throat. "Sorry, hi, I'm Simon. Um, I just wanted to ask if you've seen my friend at all? She's missing. She has red hair, is about this tall, usually wears converse, and was last seen wearing a purple blouse." 

"Ah," the man replies, flicking his fingers through the air like he's playing an instrument. "Runaway lover, my dear? Trust me, if they've come here, you should take your losses and move on." 

"No, no," Simon urges, shaking his head as he fumbles for his phone. He pulls up a picture of him and Clary at graduation together. "She's just my friend and she's  _ missing.  _ If you could help me, I'd- I don't know, I don't have much to offer, but-" 

The man rolls his eyes and waggles his fingers for the phone. Simon passes it over and feels faint with hope, as if he has low blood-sugar or something. He leans into Jace's side, probably more than acceptable, but he feels like he's going to pass out. This is one of his only clues; he  _ needs  _ this. 

Jace doesn't say anything or push him away, which is, again, really nice. The man looks at Clary's picture, giving nothing away with his expression, then presses his lips into a thin line as he passes it over. There's a moment as he passes the phone back that he doesn't even look at Simon, just stares at Jace intently like they're having some kind of moment, which Simon is  _ very  _ against because Jace is here with him, for one, and also because this is a solemn moment, so it's kind of rude. Then, the man looks at Simon without an ounce of pity. 

"I'm sorry," he says, sounding anything but, "I don't have anything I can tell you." 

Simon deflates against Jace. "Oh," he whispers, the word lost in the thump of the club. He gives a weak nod. "Thanks anyway." 

The man dips his head in acknowledgement, then stands up fully to walk away, head (and hair) held high. Simon watches him go, throat thick with emotion, eyes stinging. He can't get himself to move, heart squeezing uncomfortably in his chest, but Jace must be a really good guy, because he's the one doing the tugging now. He pulls Simon towards the door and out into the fresh air, ushering him towards his van, not saying a word when Simon leans back against the body of his van and draws in shaky breaths. 

Simon knows he has to stay positive, or else this will get bleak  _ really  _ quick, but it's damn near impossible. His best friend is missing, just gone like the worst fucking magic trick on planet earth, and  _ no one  _ knows anything. Hounding Luke doesn't get him anywhere; all he says is that he's doing his best and will update him if anything comes up. His own investigating skills are coming up short every single time, and it's starting to look like Clary may never be found, nor Jocelyn for that matter. 

He doesn't think he can do life without Clary. They've done everything together for what feels like forever; he can't just keep going without her. It feels  _ wrong.  _ This kind of shit happens every day, he knows this, but it seems like things that belong on the news to people he doesn't know. Except, now he's in that same situation, just like those faceless people he used to feel a blip of sadness for after they lost lovers, friends, children, siblings. He finally understands why they had it worse for having no closure, for not knowing what actually happened; it feels like he can't exist outside of this circumstance, that time has come to a standstill and won't continue until he knows something one way or another. He just needs to  _ know.  _

"Simon," Jace says softly. 

"Don't," Simon chokes out, tipping his head back against his van with a small tap. He breathes in deep, blinking away tears, and stares at the dark sky above his head. "Don't tell me it'll be okay, that she's okay, that we'll see each other again. You don't  _ know  _ that, you don't even know her. Don't tell me anything you aren't sure of, because if this turns out bad, I'll never forgive you for being a liar." 

Jace is silent for a moment, then he reaches out to touch Simon's shoulder. It's an awkward gesture, albeit an open one, but Simon appreciates it all the same. Jace says nothing, promises nothing, because he doesn't want to be a liar, and Simon is so relieved by that, even with how much it hurts. Jace just squeezes his shoulder supportively, and Simon just stares at the starless sky. 

"I'm sorry," Jace murmurs, and it's the first time those words are weighted with genuine sincerity. 

Simon swallows thickly. "Yeah, me too." 

"Do you have anywhere else you want to go tonight? It's not too late if you-" 

"No, I'm- I'm pretty worn out. I think I'm done for tonight. Come on, I'll take you home." 

Jace tucks his lips in like he's physically holding back words, dropping his hand. "Okay," he agrees quietly, taking a step back. 

"Hey," Simon mutters, jerking forward to grip Jace's hand, catching him before he can walk away. Jace glances down at their hands, but doesn't pull away, and Simon squeezes Jace's fingers. "Thank you, seriously. This is going to sound cheesy as hell, but this isn't all a lost cause if I got to meet you. Jace, you're a really nice guy; you literally didn't even have to help me, but you did. So, thanks." 

Jace stares at him, eyebrows drawing together, eyes blinking slow. "How are you so… optimistic? You just pick yourself back up and look on the bright side, even when there  _ isn't  _ one. I'm not a bright side, Simon. I'm not nice, I'm really not." 

Simon huffs a soft laugh and swings their hands playfully. "We're going to have to agree to disagree. From where I'm standing, you're the best part about all of this mess, which is saying a lot since I worried you were a serial killer an hour ago." 

"You're  _ really  _ strange," Jace tells him, but his lips curl up at the corners. 

"Yeah," Simon agrees shamelessly. "Alright, let's get you home." 

They drop hands casually and slide in the van. The ride back towards the churchyard is full of silence, but it's not as somber as Simon had expected. Jace just stares out the window, his expression reflected in the glass as lights from the city pass outside. It doesn't take too long to get where they're going, and since Jace simply wants to be dropped off at the curb, there isn't much of a goodbye. 

As Jace unclicks his seatbelt, he turns to Simon with a tight smile and says, "If there's anything I can tell you, I'll shoot you a text." 

"Thanks," Simon replies seriously. 

Jace opens the door. He pauses before he slides out, turning back to look at Simon with his bottom lip caught between his teeth. He hesitates, then blurts, "If you need anything at all, someone to talk to, or if there's something else you want to check out, you shoot  _ me  _ a text, okay?" 

Simon stares at him for a moment, oddly touched, openly pleased. He smiles and says, "Okay." 

With that, Jace slips out the van, shuts the door gently, and whisks off. He's almost immediately swallowed by the darkness as soon as he slips past the trees, but Simon doesn't pull away from the curb for a long time. His smile stays for even longer.    
  


* * *

It's late in the evening the next day when the newest clue presents itself. 

Simon checks the tracker for Clary's phone every single day. Today is the very first day that it's changed, meaning that her phone has been moved, possibly with her attached to it. When he sees this, his heart stutters with a mixture of fear and hope. He sails out of his bed, ignoring his mother as she yells after him, wanting to know where he's going. He's in his van and heading towards the new location before he can even think twice. 

In fact, Simon doesn't think much at all. It's not until he's pulling down a path that leads to a creepy field that he stops to consider how bad this is. He should call Luke, or Jace, or  _ someone.  _

There's a cave entrance that doesn't look safe at all, and he wasn't aware that New York even  _ had  _ caves. His phone tells him that Clary's phone is  _ in  _ the cave, which sounds like a start to a really bad horror film. He's just dialing Jace when he catches sight of a group milling about in front of the entrance. As the phone rings, Simon squints into the night and tries to make out anything about the formless blobs that are clearly people. He hopes that one of them is Clary, but he can't  _ see.  _

"Hello?" Jace answers quietly. 

Simon watches one of the forms break from the group to pace away. "Jace," he hisses, "something is going on. Do you have a car?" 

"What?" Jace snaps sharply, sounding worried immediately. "What's going on, where are you, why do I need a car?" 

"Clary's phone moved, Jace. I'm outside this weird cave entrance, and I think people are here, but I really don't want to die, so could you-" 

"Simon,  _ don't  _ get out of the van. Look, just turn around and head back. I will meet you at-" 

Whatever else Jace is going to say gets lost as someone snatches the phone from his grip and tosses it on the passenger seat. A hand slams over his mouth, cutting off his shriek, and then everything abruptly goes dark as Simon feels a sharp pain on the side of his head. 

* * *

"-ever want to see him alive again, you'll give us the cup!" 

Simon groans weakly, feeling sick like he's spent too long on a carnival ride. He opens his eyes, then immediately slams them back shut when that only increases his nausea. It takes him a moment to realize that he's swaying, that his arms are dangling beside his head, that he's  _ upside down.  _

"Oh my god," he chokes out, eyes flying open as his heart starts racing. 

There's a firm hand around his ankle when he tucks his chin and glances up. A young guy is dangling him one handed like he weighs nothing, which is not ideal for Simon's currently somersaulting stomach. That feeling only gets worse when he risks a look down and realizes that the ground is  _ very  _ far away. He starts flailing automatically, screaming shamelessly as he tries to wiggle away from the possibility of death. 

"If you don't stop squirming, I  _ will  _ drop you," the man holding him hisses. 

Simon swallows thickly. "Okay, okay, chill out, man. Just- just- Jesus fucking  _ Christ,  _ what do you want?" 

The man curls his lip. "Nothing you can give me," he mutters, then fixes his gaze past Simon to the ground. "Like I said, we want the cup!" 

Simon cranes his head, looking around to try and see who's hands his fate rests in, but the only glimpse he gets is of a beautiful girl dressed in leather. She looks dangerous in the same way that Jace does, has as many tattoos too, but he doesn't know her from anywhere. He's just an innocent bystander, meaning he's going to be dead very soon. In that moment, he wants to cry. 

Before he can do so, and before he can see anyone else, everything is an abrupt blur. It feels like flying, but in ultraspeed. The wind whips at his skin harshly, hurting as his nausea makes its return at full force. Then, as quick as it started, it's over. 

Going from dangling towards his death, to sitting upright on a couch, in less than a minute… well, it's fucking shocking. He gapes around the empty room, unsure that this isn't all some wild dream. No one is here, but when he looks, his phone is still in his hoodie pocket. He almost cries with relief, even while he waits for waves of nausea to pass, and shakily tries to dial 911. 

Before he can press call, the man from before is back in the room, eyes narrowed. 

"Hey, man, I- I don't know what you- what it is you want, but I think you have the wrong guy," Simon stutters out, heart racing as he shoves his phone back into his pocket. "I- I don't even know those people back there; I was just looking for my friend, okay? I'm not involved in-" 

"Oh, is that right?" The man approaches slowly, eyebrows drawn up. "So, that friend you're looking for wouldn't happen to be Clary Fairchild, would it?" 

Simon freezes, eyes bulging. "I think you mean Clary Fray," he corrects automatically. 

"I don't," he replies simply. "It is unfortunate that you'll have to pay the price for her mistake." 

"Look, if- if she's in trouble, we can  _ fix it,  _ okay? If it's money, or- or I don't know,  _ anything,  _ then I'll help her get out of it. Just- you have to just give us some time, but I'll do whatever I can to help." 

"Oh, we know." A woman with long, dark hair and a sharp smile suddenly sweeps into the room, dressed immaculately and looking like she'd chew Simon up and spit him out. "Raphael, thank you for retrieving him. Does he know anything?" 

The man - Raphael - eyes Simon speculatively, lips tipping down slightly. "I'm not sure if he even knows the basics. It seems that Clary Fairchild has kept him in the dark." 

"Fray, actually," Simon mumbles. 

The woman tips her head to the side. "Smart girl," she says with a sigh, heels clicking as she draws close to Simon with her hand raised as an offering. Her smile is sharper than ever. "My name is Camille, and you're  _ Simon,  _ aren't you?" 

Simon's never actually heard someone say his name so reverently, like he's something worth looking at twice. It's a nice feeling, even if it's slightly off-putting coming from her. Still, he's not going to anger his captors, so he does the only thing he can think to do in this moment. He awkwardly grasps her hand in his sweaty one and pumps it frantically, swallowing thickly as she stares at him in faint amusement, like his very existence is nothing more than entertainment for her. 

"Please don't kill me," he blurts out, still shaking her hand in his. "I'm not even  _ twenty  _ yet, and I didn't tell my mom I loved her before I left, and I'm sure Clary didn't mean to anger anyone. I can- I  _ will  _ do anything to help her get out of trouble; I mean, I'll do my best. I'm pretty broke, but I can, like, start a fundraiser or something, so just-" 

"Shh, shh, shh," Camille says gently, suddenly right in front of him, sharp nails raking down his cheeks, no doubt leaving marks. "Simon, there's no need to be afraid. We just want to ask you a few questions, that's all." 

Simon swallows, wariness sliding through him like icky goo. "I don't think I'll be of much help. I didn't- I don't even know what's going on, or what mess Clary is into, so I- I can't tell you anything." 

"See?" Raphael points out with a huff, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes. "Waste of time." 

Camille's head snaps over to Raphael, smile long gone as her eyes narrow into slits. "Don't be such a buzzkill, Raphael," she hisses, then smacks on another smile as he focuses on Simon. "You never know what you'll find-" she walks two nails up his cheek and lightly caresses his temple "-in anyone's mind. Leave me to take a quick look." 

Raphael grits his jaw, shooting Simon a brief look that strangely looks like regret or sympathy, or both. The anxiety and fear hikes up as he abruptly vanishes, just gone like he hadn't even been standing there to begin with, and Simon is so fucking scared that it's not even funny. Then, without preamble, Camille elegantly sprawls on the couch beside him, dancing ringed fingers in front of his eyes. They're pretty rings on pretty fingers belonging to a pretty woman, who he would very much like to pledge his loyalty over to forever. 

That's an odd thought, but he can't work out why. He doesn't even care to, not when Camille leans forward and kisses him briefly, and it's the best thing that's ever happened to him, hands down. He loves her, would do anything for her, would tell her anything she wants to know. And, as her lips trail down to his neck, he vows to please her how she's pleasing him. Teeth scrape his skin, then pierce, and he's falling into the deepest pit of ecstasy, gasping out and never wanting her to stop. 

"Simon," she whispers, "tell me about your friend Clary Fairchild." 

"Fray, actually," he says, his voice taking on a dreamy quality, then proceeds to do as she asks. 

He tells her anything and everything she wants to know, not skipping a detail. He explains what Clary's house looked like, when she went missing, how he's been searching for her, how he misses her. All throughout, she nips at his skin, kisses him, and, on one memorable occasion, allows him to lap at her neck as she murmurs encouragement. Somewhere deep down, he thinks it should be weird to drink her blood, but it's too deep to grasp. And when he finally explains what happened with the owner of pandemonium, she hisses and shoves him away. 

"Magnus Bane," she snaps, standing to her feet with a scowl twisting her features. "Why is it  _ always  _ him?" 

Simon stares at her with a dopey smile. 

She leaves the room.    
  
  


***

  
  
  


It takes some time for Simon to come back to himself. When he does, he still isn't alone. Raphael is there with a bowl of nuts on the small coffee table. There's also a small cup of what appears to be orange juice. Simon feels faint and nauseous again, so he only hesitates a second when Raphael jerks his chin at the offerings. 

"You need to let me go," Simon rasps when he's drained all the juice. "Please, I- I don't know anything, and Clary is a good person. She'd  _ never  _ do anything to harm anyone, okay? If you let me go, I won't tell anyone, I promise." 

Raphael stares at him. "Do you ever shut up?" 

Simon shakes his head and jolts to his feet, pacing wildly around the room. "No, it's kind of a big part of who I am. I talk when I'm scared, when I'm happy, when I'm anxious, and go ahead and take three guesses as to which one I'm  _ not _ right now." 

"Sit down," Raphael grits out, flitting across the room faster than humanly possible, "and shut up." 

Simon doesn't even think, just grabs the knife off the little stand that he's lingering beside, and snaps out his hand, sending the knife sailing through the air. Raphael's shoulder jerks back as it lands, a short huff escaping his mouth as his lips stretch into a dangerous smile, revealing - honest to god -  _ fangs.  _ Simon's heart plummets as Raphael yanks the knife out and stares at Simon with dark, attractive eyes. And fuck, this is a  _ really  _ bad time to bring back that whole  _ 'turned on when I'm about to die'  _ thing that he has going on. 

"Oh my god," Simon squeaks. 

Raphael waves the knife that's coated in dark blood, tipping his head. "Seriously? This is a new jacket." 

"I'm so sorry, I don't even know why I did that. I wouldn't  _ ever-  _ but I did, and fuck, I am so sorry. I- I don't know what came over me, that's not like me at all." Simon waves his hands and backs up as Raphael approaches him. "God, I'm- I shouldn't have- I will get you a new jacket, I  _ swear.  _ I really didn't-" 

Camille is suddenly in the room again, her and Raphael wearing twin looks of annoyance. 

"-mean to do that," Simon finishes. 

Raphael rolls his eyes, looking exasperated as he turns around and walks off. Which, that leaves him alone with Camille again, and everything within him squirms at that. He doesn't  _ want  _ to be alone with her, even as his body keens for her attention. She smiles at him, apparently ready for more questioning, and Simon swallows. 

This time, when she waves her fingers in front of his eyes, he tries to resist. 

He fails. 

* * *

Simon has never in his life been so happy to see Jace before this moment. When he bursts into the room, Simon has to fight everything within him not to full out run into his arms like the damsel he is. 

Jace, however, doesn't have time for niceties. He grabs Simon and snaps, "Shut up and run." 

"Real tired of people telling me to shut up," Simon grumbles, but he does as he's told. 

There's something  _ really  _ fucking strange going on here. And here's the thing, Simon isn't an idiot, okay? He knows that the things he reads in fantasy novels aren't actually  _ real,  _ but it's really hard not think about vampires when these people act like them. That same girl wearing leather from last night punches (literally fucking  _ punches,  _ what the fuck) through concrete walls and snaps a whip through the opening as she steps in. Their pursuers screech as the sun hits them, searing their skin, and he's genuinely considering it, despite knowing that it's literally impossible. 

Jace yanks him along, leading him towards a door, and they've almost made it when hands grasp the back of Simon's shirt. Raphael holds him, hissing as Simon flails, those fangs back like they might actually be real. He hides behind Simon, blocking himself from the sun from the open door. Jace looks pained, eyes narrowed, chest heaving as he fingers a dagger with weird engravings like he knows exactly what to do with it. 

In the end, Raphael releases Simon and darts away in a blur, and Jace yanks him up the steps and outside, shoving him out into the sun. There's a guy on the roof with a fucking bow grasped in his hands, dark hair haphazard atop his head, and he's covered in tattoos just like Jace is. 

Speaking of Jace, he looks downright  _ pissed.  _ He paces back and forth and shouts, "Fuck!" 

"Jace," the guy says shortly, his voice deep and firm, eyes skittering over Simon in distaste. 

"Not now, Alec," Jace snaps, pacing faster as he presses his palms together, his eyes a little wild. 

_ "Jace,"  _ Alec says more firmly, making Jace come to a halt. With a jerk of his chin, Alec gestures to Simon, nostrils flaring. 

Jace takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he focuses on Simon. "Hey," he greets, his voice softening. "You okay, Simon?" 

"What the fuck?" Simon blurts. "What the  _ fuck?  _ Seriously, Jace, what the fuck! Who were those people? What just happened? How'd you-" 

"I tracked your phone," Jace cuts him off quickly, throwing a sharp look at Alec when he groans and tosses up a hand. "When you yelled on the phone, I thought it would be best to find you. This is Alec, my best friend; I dragged him along to help." 

"Wait, best friend? As in the one who-" 

"Yes." 

Simon cuts his eyes to Alec, who is now looking between him and Jace suspiciously. "Oh, right, okay. Um, so you… you just saved my life." 

"I did," Jace confirms. Alec clears his throat. "Okay,  _ we  _ did. Anyway, we should-" 

"Wait, wait," Simon interrupts, holding up a hand. Jace snaps his mouth closed. "Jace, my friend is  _ alive.  _ She's in some kind of trouble, but- but she's okay. I think. Those people know where she is, they want something from her. I can't just  _ leave.  _ Maybe-" 

"Simon, I need you to listen to me, okay?" Jace slowly walks over, reaching out to grasp Simon's hands, staring at him intently. "This isn't safe, you shouldn't be involved in this. What you need to do  _ now  _ is go home and  _ stay  _ at home. Don't leave, not without telling me." 

Simon blinks at Jace, swallowing thickly. "She's my best friend, I can't just-" 

"You can." Jace squeezes his hands, mismatched eyes looking softer than they ever have. "You  _ have  _ to." 

"There's no way in hell that I'm letting this go, Jace. Listen to me, those people are  _ dangerous.  _ Their leader, her name is Camille, and she, like, did something to me. It was- it isn't right. And there's another girl, she  _ punched  _ a wall, and-" 

"That was my sister." 

Simon freezes. "What did you just say?" 

"That girl with the whip, that's my sister," Jace informs him calmly. "And look, I know everything seems really fucked up right now, but you just got put under a lot of stress. You need to go home, be with your family, stay safe. I  _ promise  _ I will call you if anything else comes up, okay?" 

"Jace, when I was kidnapped, your sister was there. That night, when those people who took me were dangling me, they were talking to  _ her."  _ Simon shoots Alec furtive looks, lowering his voice. "She has to know something. She might even know where my friend is. I need to talk to her." 

Jace heaves a deep breath, eyes sinking closed for a brief moment. "Simon, I'm  _ serious.  _ You could have been seriously hurt. You need to-" 

"I  _ need  _ to talk to-" 

"I'll talk to Izzy, okay? If- if she tells me anything, I will let you know. Just let me get you home." 

Simon frowns. "Jace, I really think-" 

"Stop," Alec cuts in forcefully, walking over with a glower. "We're taking you home  _ now."  _

"Alec," Jace scolds, lips tipping down. 

"No, I'm tired of this." Alec crosses his arms and glares at Jace. "You keep rearranging your life to deal with him, and we have more important shit to deal with. We don't have  _ time  _ to coddle the mundane." 

"Oh, so that's just a family thing?" Simon asks with a frown, a little hurt that it's not a  _ 'him and Jace'  _ thing, but unwilling to admit it. 

Jace looks ready to explode. "Alec,  _ stop.  _ Let me handle this, okay? Just-" 

"You've  _ been  _ handling it," Alec hisses, dipping his head low to meet Jace's gaze head-on. "I don't know what's gotten into you, but I know it's because of  _ him.  _ You've wasted enough of your time already!" 

"Hey!" Simon blurts, offended. 

"Stop!" Jace shouts, gripping Simon's hands tighter as he leans towards Alec. "You can either be helpful or you can walk the fuck away!" 

Alec glares for a moment longer, tossing a metal-melting scowl in Simon's direction, then stalks off with his bow gripped tight in his hands. 

"Great," Simon says weakly, "I've got a fan." 

Jace snorts, his eyes softening. "Don't worry about him, he's even less warm-and-fuzzy than I am. Look, I was really worried about you, and I'd feel much better if you'd just  _ go home.  _ Let me talk to my sister, figure some stuff out, then I'll call you with whatever I find on Clary, okay?" 

Simon is a people-pleaser by nature, so his first instinct is to give in. He opens his mouth to do just that when his limbs go cold. It takes him a moment to realize why his heart is shrieking in his chest, why he feels like he's been slapped, and why he feels as if he's just been dumped. He goes back over every single encounter at least twice before he comes to the devastating conclusion that he's never said Clary's name to Jace before. When it hits him, he snatches his hands from Jace's and takes a step back. 

"I've never told you her name," Simon breathes out, staring at Jace with wide eyes. 

Jace realizes his mistake instantly, mismatched eyes widening for a second. "Shit," he says softly. 

"See," Alec puts in from a few feet away, crossing his arms and frowning, "this is  _ exactly  _ what I was talking about. Good going, Jace."

Jace clenches his jaw, turning to look at Alec with a glare of his own for a moment, then turns to focus on Simon. "Okay, so before you freak out-" 

"What did you do to her?" Simon stumbles back another step, breathing picking up while his anxiety rises. "Are you working with those people? Where  _ is she?  _ I swear to god, I will-" 

"I'll take you to her," Jace interrupts quickly, ignoring it when Alec sighs. "Simon, she really  _ is  _ okay. She just didn't want you involved, and she's right for that. Let me just-" 

"Don't say another fucking word," Simon snaps, standing up straight and staring at Jace with his hands clenched into fists. "Take me to her,  _ now."  _

"I will," Jace assures him, nodding. "I just need to explain what's-" 

"I don't want to hear it, not from you." Simon tries to blink past the water gathering on his lashes. He sucks in a wet breath. "I  _ trusted  _ you, and you lied to me, Jace. You actually- you-" 

"No, I never- I didn't want to," Jace whispers when Simon's voice cracks and can't continue on. "Clary asked me to keep you out of it, to keep you safe, and I  _ never  _ lied to you. I just… didn't tell you everything." 

"Lying by omission is still lying!" Simon yells, reaching up to swipe angrily at his cheeks, hating the tears there. "You  _ knew  _ how upset I was, and you said  _ nothing.  _ You let me believe- you actually helped me continue to feel like I lost my best friend!" 

"Simon," Jace croaks, reaching out a hand while his expression crumbles into genuine regret. 

Simon jerks back, breathing shakily and crossing his arms as his heart throbs. "I told you I'd never forgive you for being a liar," he chokes out, "and I meant it." 

With that, he turns and walks away. 

* * *

Turning and walking away is all fine and good for dramatics, but not in retrospect. He doesn't have his van, so he can't just run away, and he has no clue where the fuck they are. Once on the ground, he finds out that he'd been kidnapped to what appears to be a condemned hotel called Hotel Dumort. What is it with everyone and condemned places? 

Jace hasn't said one word since Simon had walked away, but Alec has quietly barked directions at him, leading him off into the daylight. Fortunately, Alec seems less angry than before and even manages to conjure up a frown of disapproval, which is moderately better than his glare. 

Either way, Simon literally doesn't care right now. 

Okay, that's a lie. 

Simon feels betrayed in a way that he never has before. This is different than Todd who used him in high school, pretending to be his friend to get him to do his homework; this is deep seated  _ hurt,  _ the kind that leaves a mark. Simon can barely look at Jace, mind working over every interaction they've ever had, heart clenching when he thinks about all the comfort Jace had offered him. 

Simon just shoves his hands deep into his pockets and follows behind Alec with his head ducked. He's aware of Jace following along at a distance, but he refuses to acknowledge him. 

After what feels like forever, it finally becomes clear exactly where they're going. Simon comes to a screeching halt as the churchyard slowly comes into view. It's different in the daylight, but no more inviting. He stands and stares at it, worlds collapsing and rebuilding in his mind. If Clary is in that church, Simon is going to lose his fucking  _ mind.  _

"Simon," Jace mumbles as he steps up behind him, his tone devoid of emotion. 

"Is she in there?" Simon asks carefully. 

Jace takes a moment to answer. "Not how you think, but… yes." 

And Simon just loses it. Without much thought, he whirls around and grasps Jace by the lapels of his jacket, shoving him back against the closest tree. Jace makes no move to defend himself, arms spreading wide as he stares at Simon with his jaw clenched, eyes blazing with some emotion that Simon can't put a name to. 

"You  _ lied  _ to me," Simon says harshly, giving Jace a rough shake, annoyed when his voice cracks. 

Jace just shakes his head. "I didn't. I really did check in there as it is, but that's what I'm trying to  _ explain  _ to you, Simon. All the legends are true." 

"Fuck your legends," Simon snaps, snatching away from Jace and glaring at him. "You twisted your words and you told me make-believe, and for  _ what?  _ You could have just told me the truth!" 

"Clary asked me not to!" 

"I don't  _ care!  _ It's always about what Clary wants, but what about  _ me?  _ What about my pain, what about how  _ I  _ feel? She didn't know how upset I was, but  _ you  _ did! You should have chose  _ me."  _

Jace looks mystified, mouth opening and closing without producing sound. It takes him a moment, but he sucks in a deep breath and mutters, "We just wanted to protect you, Simon. This world isn't-" 

"Save it," Simon cuts in tiredly, deflating as his anger fizzles out into disappointment. "I really don't want to hear it; I just want to see my best friend." 

"Okay," Jace says, standing tall and arranging his jacket as he wipes his face clear of any emotion. 

Without another word, Jace turns and leads him towards the church. Alec has already continued ahead, slipping inside the rickety building without even looking back, possibly going to warn Clary. Simon is utterly silent as Jace walks ahead of him, going up the stairs and holding open the old door. When they enter, the hall is covered in dust and cobwebs, empty of life and activity. 

For a split second, he worries that all of this is just one massive setup for his death. Maybe Jace really  _ is  _ against Clary like those vampire-imposters. Simon tries not to entertain the thought, but at this point, he doesn't even know if he trusts Jace at all. 

Then, Jace reaches out and grasps his hand, slotting their fingers together, and it takes Simon a second to remember that he's supposed to protest. "Hey," he blurts out a moment too late, trying to pull his hand away, "what are you-" 

"Just trust me," Jace says quietly, averting his eyes and taking a deep breath. 

Despite everything, Simon  _ does.  _ He snaps his mouth shut and waits for whatever will come. 

The strangest thing happens. It's like that scene in Harry Potter where the destroyed house comes back together, except entirely different. The dust and dirt vanishes, giving away to pristine walls and glinting floors. Chandeliers line the ceiling, leading farther down the hall, and there isn't a cobweb to be found. 

"What," Simon whispers, "the fuck?" 

"Come on," Jace tells him, gently tugging him down the hall, still holding his hand. 

Simon's too stunned to pull away, mouth dropping as more of the building is revealed. This place is full of activity with people coming to and fro, standing at advanced monitors, talking quietly amongst themselves. Alec can be seen whispering to the same girl who'd had the whip - Izzy, Jace had said her name was. She's throwing a frown in their direction as they enter the room, shaking her head as Alec murmurs low in her ear. Jace doesn't linger, just tugs him down a different hall that doesn't have any people milling about. 

"Where are we going?" Simon asks, looking around in awe. "And what just happened? What kind of YA novel crap  _ is  _ this?" 

"What?" Jace asks, looking back at him in open confusion. 

"It's a genre of books. Well, it's more of a- you know what, that doesn't matter. Where are-" 

Simon shuts up when Jace halts them in front of a door, knocking without preamble. Jace sighs heavily, fingers tightening around Simon's as steps sound on the other side of the door. Simon gets the vague notion that Jace is steeling himself for something, but he has no idea what. 

Then, the door opens and Clary is standing right there, looking perfectly fine. There's tattoos on her now too, though not as many. The polite smile on her face freezes when she sees Simon, breaking apart into something tragic. 

"Simon," she breathes, then launches herself at him. 

Already crying, Simon catches her and holds her close, dropping Jace's hand to bury his own in her hair, eyes sinking closed as she laughs through sobs against his neck. They hold on tight for a very long time, tears waning into weak laughter as they slowly break apart and beam at each other. 

"Fray, you scared the  _ fuck  _ out of me," Simon tells her emphamatically, grasping her hands in his, eyes devouring her, terrified to look away. 

Clary sniffles. "Sorry, it's just- it's been a really hectic few days." 

"You could have called," Simon mumbles, trying not to shake where he stands. 

"Yeah," Clary agrees, her eyes slowly flicking over to Jace, "I could have, but I chose not to. You weren't supposed to be involved in this." 

"Clary," Jace says softly, "I'm sorry." 

"We  _ agreed  _ it was for the best," Clary tells him firmly, smile long gone. "Jace, you said you'd keep him safe, you  _ promised.  _ You shouldn't have brought him here." 

Simon drops Clary's hands. "Hey, don't talk about me like I'm not here, and don't be so- so  _ hard  _ on him. He should have brought me here sooner." 

"You don't know the whole story, and I'd prefer it if you didn't," Clary tells him, sighing heavily and rubbing her temple. "At first, I wanted to involve you, but things kept getting  _ worse.  _ Simon, this has nothing to do with you, okay?" 

"You're stuff is my stuff." Simon stares at her, lips tipping down. "Fray and Lewis versus the world, remember? Whatever kind of trouble you're in, I can help you. If it's drugs, or money, or something even worse… we can handle it  _ together."  _

Clary looks at Jace. "You didn't tell him?" 

"He wouldn't let me," Jace mutters, crossing his arms and sighing. "We got him out, just like I said we would, but Camille's clan weren't discreet in their desire for the cup, plus he saw Izzy that night when he was kidnapped. I fucked up, said your name without thinking, and he hadn't mentioned your name yet, so he immediately figured out that I was involved somehow. I didn't know what else to do." 

"Alright," Clary murmurs, nodding decisively and taking a step back. "Come in, Simon, I'm going to explain everything. Jace?" 

"Not him," Simon blurts out sharply, cutting a harsh look at Jace. "I'd rather not be anywhere near him right now, if you don't mind." 

Jace clenches his jaw and looks away. 

Clary looks between them for a moment, eyebrows drawing together. "Okay," she agrees hesitantly. 

Simon walks in and behind Clary and kicks the door shut right in Jace's face without looking back.   
  
  


* * *

"You're right," Simon agrees faintly, sprawled out on Clary's bed, "it has been a hectic few days for you." 

"Yep," Clary agrees with a sigh. 

Simon is silent for a long time, processing the information that she's just given him. He supposes, as a total nerd, he's better equipped for it than someone who never picked up a book for fun. Still, that doesn't make it any easier to wrap his mind around Shadowhunters, downworlders, and an evil branch fixated on some weird cup that only Clary apparently knows about, even if she has no fucking clue where it is. 

And, even with her explanation, it doesn't make him feel as if her choice to keep him in the dark was okay. He's as angry as he is shocked, but he also has the crippling weakness of being able to understand why people do the things they do. He  _ gets  _ it, but he definitely isn't happy about it. 

Though, it is a lot. 

The more he thinks about it, the more he isn't sure if he wants to be involved at all. He loves Clary, he  _ really  _ does, and that has nothing to do with any feelings he may or may not be harboring for her. She's family, fullstop. But she may have a point; this isn't his world, he's just… mundane. 

Simon internally scoffs at the fact that he dared to even think that Jace had called him that fondly. To find out that it's basically an insult is like a boot straight to the chest. At least  _ that  _ anger hasn't gone away, nor has it lessened with understanding. In fact, he's angrier than before with Jace, full to the brim with bitterness that every single aspect of their interactions was just a lie. 

"I can't do this," Simon murmurs. 

Clary sits up, looking down at him with her eyebrows furrowed. "That's what I was scared of, you know. When you showed up, I was ready to run outside and tell you  _ everything,  _ but then I thought about what would happen if I did. If you'd have come sooner, even just an hour, you'd have seen someone die - a bad guy, but still - and I didn't know how to involve you in this. But mostly, I was scared that you'd see the world I'm meant to be in and then not be able to stay in it with me."

"I'm sorry," Simon whispers, staring up at her, reaching over to smooth his thumb over her arm. 

"I know you can't do this," Clary tells him quietly, swallowing thickly, "and you don't have to. You can get out, Simon, you can be safe, and that's what I want for you, even if I'll miss you." 

Simon breathes in deep, then slowly releases it, blinking slow. "And you can't just… come with me? My world was your world first." 

"I wish it was, but that's not true. This is supposed to be my world; my mom just took me out of it." Clary looks angry for a moment, jaw jumping as she flops back down beside Simon. "She's missing and I can't just give up on her." 

"I know," Simon says. 

They're silent for another long moment. Clary reaches out and takes his hand, threading their fingers together, and Simon closes his eyes. He lets himself imagine a world where nothing ever went wrong, where he and Clary eventually fall in love, where they're happy and safe. Then, he opens his eyes and lets it go - that's not attainable, never was, and he knows it. 

Clary turns to look at him with a sad smile. "I love you, Simon." 

Simon turns his head to look at her with his own sad smile. "I love you too, Clary." 

"When things slow down, we'll hang out again." 

"I'll hold you to that." 

"I really do love you," Clary tells him, her smile going soft with less sadness as her eyes sparkle. 

"I know, and I- I love you too," Simon replies, licking his lips as he prepares himself. Before all of this, before  _ Jace,  _ he wouldn't be able to do this, but now he feels the need to. "And I think I was in love with you too, or maybe I still am, or maybe I never was. All I know for sure is that you're my best friend and I'm  _ always  _ going to be here for you, even if I can't be  _ here  _ for you. And I think that's all I want to be now." 

Clary gives a soft laugh. "Well, I'm glad for that. God, that sounds mean, but I'm kinda into someone else." 

"Who?" Simon tenses. "It's not Jace, is it?" 

"No," Clary answers, looking at him strangely, eyebrows raising. "What's your problem with him anyway? He told me that you two tolerated each other just fine." 

"Did he now?" Simon asks bitterly, lips twisting as he turns to glare at the ceiling. 

There's a pause, then Clary blurts, "Oh my god. You  _ like  _ him. Simon, do you have a crush on  _ Jace?"  _

"Definitely not," Simon says fiercely. "I was a mess, and he  _ saw  _ that, but he just let me believe that you were gone. You didn't see it, but I was- I wasn't okay, let's just put it like that." 

"I asked him to do it. When you showed up, I begged him to handle it, so he did. But you persisted, so he kept having to. He actually asked if I'd consider telling you, but I couldn't be that selfish. You have to know that he just wanted to keep you safe." 

"I don't  _ care.  _ I don't give a shit if you made him sign an oath, Clary. I love you, but it's not just about what you wanted. You were perfectly fine, I was falling apart, and he watched it happen while acting as someone I thought vaguely of as a friend." 

Clary tsks, reaching over to pinch him. "Now  _ you're  _ being too hard on him. He was just trying to help, and if you actually saw how he is, then you'd know that's actually pretty rare. He's kind of an asshole, but a lovable one, and he means well. Just… consider forgiving him." 

"Well, I'm not sticking around, so I don't have to," Simon replies with a petty huff, giving her a smug smile that she rolls her eyes at. 

"You're ridiculous," Clary tells him. "Come on, I'll walk you out. And I promise I'll reply to your texts when I can." 

Simon heaves himself up and off the bed with a groan, peering down at her, something within him settling. "I'm really glad you're okay, Fray." 

Clary smiles at him. "I think, for the first time, because of you, I actually am."    
  


* * *

Simon gets a phone call not even three days later. He's out the door without thinking, then walking right back in to tell his mom he loves her before heading out. It's just a day, he tells himself, that's all it is, then he can go home. 

He isn't prepared for Alec to be there. 

"You called the mundane?" Alec mutters in open distaste, nose wrinkling. 

Simon shoots him a frown. "Hey, you may know demons, but I know Brooklyn. Come on, Clary." 

Things go south pretty quickly. Clary's no closer to finding the cup, and to add to  _ that  _ whole situation, they're now being held captive by werewolves. Because that's apparently a thing that happens out here in the Shadow World. Things go from bad to worse when they're locked up, and all Simon can think about is the amount of therapy he's going to need when this is all over. 

Then, things look up. 

He's not even thinking when he calls Jace, just going off instinct alone. When Jace answers, he sounds  _ pissed _ and worried, and Simon's stupidly glad to hear his voice. 

"Jace." Simon tips his head back and releases a relieved sigh before he can stop himself. "Thank god. Um, so I swear I'm not making a habit out of this, but I got kidnapped again. And  _ before  _ you say anything, at least I didn't do it alone." 

Jace releases a relieved sigh of his own. "Okay, just- just tell me where you are. I'm- we're coming to get you. Don't do anything stupid until we get there." 

As Simon does his best to explain what's going on, he can hear Alec and what must be Izzy talking in the background. It's strange just how much he can hear, actually. But things have been strange ever since he entered this world, so he's not too worried. Maybe once he's officially out, things will eventually go back to normal. 

God, he's dreading the homework for accounting he has to catch up on. 

Things, of course, get hectic again. Simon's quickly learning that there isn't much downtime in this particular profession, which is a damn shame. If anyone has earned a vacation, it's probably those who go around slaying demons. 

Luke, shockingly enough, turns out to be a werewolf. Simon's at the point where he's going to stop claiming to know anything for sure; his whole life is a lie, apparently. And as quick as things turned into an utter mess, they wrap up like some kind of musical where the curtain slowly lowers. Luke is a mess, so they plan to go to Magnus Bane, the owner of pandemonium, who turns out to be a Warlock, because that's just the kind of day that Simon is having, apparently. And he can't even escape the absolutely craziness because it's  _ his  _ van that they need to drive him there. 

So yeah, that's fun. 

As Alec, Izzy, and Clary help Luke into the back of the van, Jace comes over to Simon and starts looking him over. "You okay?" he murmurs, reaching out to check him for any injuries. 

"I think I may be in shock," Simon admits. 

"Want me to drive?" Jace asks carefully. 

Simon narrows his eyes. "Can you drive?" 

"How hard can it be?" 

"Yeah, that's not a good enough answer." 

Jace frowns at him, fingers skittering over his neck as he scans his face. "You sure, because-" 

"Jace," Simon mutters, batting his hands away and rolling his eyes, "I'm  _ fine.  _ I mean, things are kind of fucked up, but I'll be alright. This world won't kill me, you know." 

"Can't be destroyed, huh?" Jace looks like he never has, a vulnerability in his eyes, a weak smile doing nothing to hide how utterly guilty he is. 

Simon sighs. "I'm still, like,  _ really  _ mad at you." 

"Yeah, I know," Jace mumbles. 

"I don't forgive you. It was wrong, and you know it." 

"Yeah, I do." 

"And just because you look like a kicked puppy right now, after saving my life  _ again,  _ doesn't mean that I'm going to just let it go. Those eyes probably get you everything, but it won't get you this." 

"I don't know if you're scolding me or flirting with me. It's kind of… unfair." 

"Good," Simon says simply, hiding his smirk as he ducks away and slides behind the wheel. 

Izzy and Alec leave for reasons Simon isn't privy to, so he has to sit up front with Jace while Clary stays in the back with Luke. The entire ride is held in silence besides Luke's moans of pain, and Jace doesn't even try and hide the fact that he's staring at Simon from the passenger seat. Simon acts like he doesn't notice and focuses all of his energy on following the GPS to Magnus Bane's loft. 

When they get there, Simon learns that Magnus doesn't look casual away from the club either; he's just as flashy and pretty without the strobe lights. Magnus doesn't seem to even notice him, greeting Clary like an old friend and tutting as he grabs Jace's cheek, pushing it to the side. With a comment about needing virgin Shadowhunter energy, regarding Alec, he goes off to tend to Luke. 

"That explains  _ so much,"  _ Simon mutters, thinking over how tense Alec is. He just needs to distress, maybe Simon should try and find him a boyfriend or something. Someone besides Jace, obviously. 

Jace shoots him a look and grabs his phone. "I'll see if he'll come, but we're kind of… not okay right now." 

"Aren't you two soulmates?" Simon asks, arching an eyebrow. "Clary called it Soulbatai?" 

"Parabatai," Jace corrects, lips twitching. "And yeah, we are, but we do fight. Well, not often, but still. Things have been kind of tense right now, between all the rules we've broken, which he hates, the rising pressure to deal with something without getting permission, which he hates, and  _ you, _ which he…" 

Simon tucks his lips in and nods. "Hates, right. You know, I kind of got that vibe." 

"It's not- it isn't like that." Jace winces and fiddles with his phone, shoulders tense. "The way he sees it, I was spending way too much time with you, on top of bending every rule to try and help Clary." 

"Twenty bucks says he doesn't show." 

"He will." 

"I guess we'll find out," Simon mutters, jerking his chin at the phone pointedly. 

Not long after that, he and Jace are sent out to get some kind of ingredients that are supposed to help keep Luke stable. Simon wants to help, not because he wants to be apart of this world, but because Luke is the only father-figure he's had since his dad passed. He can't abandon him,  _ won't.  _

Jace is very openly not pleased about him coming along, but he can see that Simon isn't taking no for an answer. Things are mostly okay, right up until they aren't. 

Okay, let's do a little rewind. See, here's the thing. Simon is kind of internally freaking out because the strange things aren't going  _ away.  _ It's as if he's getting worse, which could have to do with his exposure to all this weirdness, but this feels like it's all him. He's actually getting a little antsy because everything feels different, like the dial to all his emotions and senses are slowly being turned up. 

So, when Jace playfully says, "Well, you don't  _ know  _ what the ingredients can actually do because you're  _ mundane,"  _ it's like everything goes haywire. 

Fury explodes in his veins like fireworks, heating him up and covering him in pin-pricks, heart racing at the  _ audacity  _ Jace has to call him that in such a fond tone. Before he even realizes what he's doing, he has Jace pushed against a brick wall, a dagger shoved up against his throat, and a hiss sounding out between the very small space that separates their faces. Jace leans  _ into  _ it, pupils blown wide as he releases a breathless laugh, excitement clear in his expression. 

"Don't call me that," Simon warns sharply, chest heaving as he presses more firmly into Jace. 

"What are you gonna do, cut me?" Jace challenges, lifting his chin as if giving better access. 

For a brief second, Simon tears his gaze from Jace's eyes to focus on his neck where the knife digs in just enough to create a thin white line. If he presses anymore, blood will bubble up, and frankly, the mere thought makes Simon want to. It takes a terrifying amount of restraint for him to pull the dagger away an inch, cloudy mind slowly becoming clearer as he takes deep breaths. 

Before Simon can so much as stumble away, Jace reaches up to grab his wrist and twist it, not too sharply, just enough to cause his fingers to let go of the dagger. Jace catches it smoothly as it falls, sheathing it and kicking out Simon's feet from underneath him in one smooth move. Simon hits the ground with an  _ oomph,  _ blinking up at Jace in open surprise as his anger drains from him. 

"Shit," Simon mutters. 

Jace stares down at him for a moment, then offers his hand, helping Simon up when he grasps it. Instead of letting him go, Jace pulls him close, lips right next to Simon's ear as he whispers, "Never do that again." 

"Yeah," Simon croaks, "okay." 

"Unless, I ask you to," Jace tells him softly, lips curling up into a smirk as he pulls away slightly. 

Simon nods rapidly, far too freaked out to actually put much stock into Jace's words. "Okay. Sorry, I'm- I'm really sorry." 

Jace's eyebrows crumble together, his fingers reaching out to try and push at the collar of his hoodie. "What happened to you at Hotel Dumort?" 

"Nothing." Simon jerks back, swallowing thickly. He doesn't want to relive that experience. "Nothing, let's just go. Luke needs us." 

Thankfully, Jace doesn't argue. 

Luke has gotten worse, Clary is barely holding back from crying, and would you believe it, Alec actually shows up. The way he and Magnus interact has Simon wondering if he needs to find Alec a boyfriend at all. But he's not exactly in the mood to make jokes or try and lift spirits. In the midst of the chaos, he kisses Clary's cheek and promises to check in; she's far too focused on Luke's recovery to protest too seriously. 

Before he leaves, he pulls out a twenty and smacks it down on the stand right in front of Jace. There's no possible way to miss the bitterness in which he does it. See, Jace keeps winning; he gets to keep his best friend, even when they're on bad terms, and he seems much more put together than Simon feels right now. So yeah, Simon's man enough to admit his defeat and pay up, but he doesn't plan on losing again. Can't lose if you refuse to play, after all. 

Simon ignores it when Jace calls after him.    
  


* * *

It's approximately around the time that he sleeps with Maureen - imagining Clary, then Jace, and then  _ Alec  _ of all people - and starts to become obsessed with people's jugular veins that he realizes he might have a serious issue. 

He doesn't want to think that he's becoming a vampire, but he's pretty sure that's what's happening. So, he does the only thing he can think to do; he goes to Hotel Dumort. 

He's not sure  _ why  _ he's doing this, but he feels a pull to the place. He's scared and something within him is telling him that he'll find peace here. Besides, if anyone knows what's happening to him, it'll be the literal vampires residing on the inside. He just wants to ask a few questions, get an idea of what's actually happening to him, maybe make it all stop. He needs everything to go back to normal. 

What he gets instead is Raphael hissing at him menacingly and running him off, so that's basically a dead-end. Heh, get it, because vampires are dead? Right, okay, so he's a fucking idiot with a vault of puns to cover for his fear, he  _ knows  _ this, but he had to try  _ something.  _

Turns out, that only makes matters worse. 

Things go from problematic to genuinely terrifying much faster than he's prepared for. Hallucinations haunt him when he isn't asleep, and when he is, he has nightmares about draining his family dry. Camille calls out to him, promising to ease all his strain, and he needs  _ help.  _

The first person he calls is Clary. 

"Hey," he says into her voicemail, choking back his tears, "so I think something is genuinely wrong with me, and I- I know you're busy, but I could really use your help right now. I'm- Clary, I'm really scared, so just- just call me back, please." 

The last person he calls is Jace. 

"Hi, so uh, there's a problem," he admits around a sob, clenching his cover with all his might. "It's me, I'm the problem. I don't have all the answers, and I don't really know what's happening, but Jace, there's something  _ wrong  _ with me. And I- I'm scared that it can't be fixed, so could you just- could you call me back, because I'm really not okay right now." 

And that's all he's got. They're the extent of support he has in this world, both who are apparently too busy to even pick up the phone for a moment. Camille whispers in his mind, phantom feeling of her lips on his neck, and he closes his eyes. His chest feels like it's caving in on itself, crushing each and every vital organ. 

When he opens his eyes, he's standing in front of Hotel Dumort, and when he exhales, he feels much better. He has absolutely no idea how he got here, but he can't leave this time. And he doesn't. 

No, this time, he dies.    
  


* * *

Simon has not been this hungry, this parched, in his entire life. He's even sure what he's craving, not until blood bags hit the ground in front of him. It's pure, animalistic instinct that pushes him to ingest as much of it as he can, careless of the mess he makes. 

It isn't until he's a dirty, bloody wreck that he finds some semblance of himself. It takes him a moment to realize that the dirt caked under his nails come from his own grave, that the pointed press into his bottom lip is from his fangs, that the lust throbbing in his chest where his heart no longer does is for blood. He has to touch everything to make sure it's real, to make sure it's not a nightmare, and the horrifying reality of his situation is that his reality is now his nightmare. 

Clary strains towards him from Jace's arms, tears falling from her eyes without seeming to stop. Simon can smell the tantalizing scent of her blood, and though he isn't even hungry, his mouth waters. Jace just stares at him, throat working as he watches him, fingers clenched tight to Clary. Simon can hear his heartbeat; it's racing. 

He runs. 

It's the only thing he can think to do in the situation, to put as much space between him and the others. He doesn't want to stare in Clary's red-rimmed eyes, seeing the regret and selfish need for him simply to exist; it's not fair, but he thinks he gets it - after all, when he'd thought she was missing, he'd been equally distraught about trying to live in a world without her. He's not sure if that makes up for it, and he doubts he'll ever find out. 

Raphael chases him, which turns out to be a good thing. Admittedly, Simon's relationship with Raphael started out a bit rocky, but that changes. 

Days pass. He learns to exist as he is now, gaining pieces of himself back over time. He figures out the best time to eat, the best blood-type, the best way to ingest it without making a mess. Raphael trains him, not exactly  _ patient,  _ but very efficient. Being schooled on everything from how to run faster than the eye can see, to how a straw can solve a lot of problems… well, it can put things in perspective. 

Around Hotel Dumort, he's known as the baby. He's the newest addition to the clan, Camille's last creation, and Raphael's prodigy. Moreover, he's treated like the new kid at school who immediately became the teacher's pet without meaning to. Most of the clan just toss him jabs, or scoff at him when he fails to be vampire enough - a compliment, in Simon's eyes - but there are a couple who act as if he doesn't even exist, which might be preferable. There are very few - two, literally two - who actually seem to like him and want to help him. 

Raphael, in all honesty, is a godsend. Sure, he's brisk and full to the brim of snark and dramatics,  _ but  _ he doesn't give up on Simon. He teaches him about vampire culture, trying to explain why Simon's his family now, and he never fails to offer an ear if Simon needs it. He's not the warm-and-fuzzy type either, but apparently, many fledgling off themselves rather than stick it out; it's like postpartum depression, except it's death instead of birth and all anyone gets out of it is the lust for blood rather than a child. Raphael must not want that on his conscious, or maybe he genuinely cares, because he keeps a close eye on Simon. 

It's not easy, is the thing. And that's to be expected, he supposes. All those YA novels always skipped over the part where a normal person thrown into an abnormal world without a chance of ever going back ends with their lives ruined. Simon can't go home, can't contact his family, can't finish school, can't be a fucking human being. It's an adjustment, and the transition is more painful than anything he's ever, or will ever, go through; since he's actually  _ died,  _ that's really saying something. 

There are some pros that make all the cons less painful, however. One, he has Clary now. And sure, it's not his  _ choice,  _ but he can't do anything about it now besides look on the bright side. He's in this world, can't get back out, and he'll be damned if he doesn't capitalize on the fact that he can unconditionally have his best friend in his life. 

When Clary asks him to come to Alec's wedding, he jumps at the chance. It's been some time since he actually spent time with her, so he's very enthusiastic about going. It's in two days, and poor Raphael has to hear all about it. 

"For the  _ last  _ time," Raphael hisses, flicking coat hangers aside as he looks through his own closet, "if you don't shut up about this damn wedding, I will stake you in your sleep." 

Simon tuts and pokes his foot out, checking out the shoes that Raphael has let him borrow. "Well, it's totally fake, you know. There's  _ no way  _ that Alec is in love with his bride-to-be." 

"Shadowhunters rarely marry for love, Simon," Raphael informs him, pulling a suit out with him while he turns around. "But I have to ask, how are you so sure of that?" 

"Trust me, I just  _ know."  _ Simon snorts and eyes the suit with pursed lips. "It's kind of sad, don't you think? I mean, the fact that he's literally planning to spend the rest of his life in an unhappy marriage? I don't think it's right." 

Raphael sighs and passes the suit over. "What we think doesn't matter,  _ especially  _ not to the Shadowhunters. Whatever you may feel when it pertains to them, I advise you to keep to yourself. Downworlders are incapable of weighing in on any topics involving the Shadow World, didn't you know?" 

"You're cynical," Simon mutters, gingerly hanging up the suit as he stares at it. "You don't think that downworlders and Shadowhunters could ever… I don't know…  _ get along?  _ Possibly more?" 

"More?" Raphael pauses halfway to the door, turning around with a frown. "Elaborate." 

Simon clears his throat. "I don't know, I just… I think the divide is kind of unnecessary." 

"Is this about Clary Fairchild and your massive crush on her?" Raphael asks blandly, arching an unimpressed eyebrow. 

If only. "No," Simon admits, averting his eyes and focusing back on the suit. "Me and Clary have a home-field advantage, meaning we knew each other  _ before.  _ I'm talking about everyone." 

"Is this about her brother, then? The blond one?" 

"What,  _ no,  _ why would you-" 

Raphael cuts him off by raising his hand, eyes rolling hard enough to tip his head. "If that wasn't confirmation enough, nothing is. Ah dios mio, you can't be loco for the self-absorbed one. I might could have forgiven you for Clary Fairchild, but Jace Morganstern, mistakenly thought to be a Wayland, is going too far." 

"I'm not  _ loco  _ for him," Simon says defensively, huffing as he cuts Raphael a sharp look. "We're just friends, okay? Or… we  _ were,  _ before all of this. I didn't have a lot of friends to begin with, it just sucks that I lost one because of what I turned into." 

Raphael's lips press into a thin line. "I've told you multiple times that it's not  _ what,  _ but  _ who  _ you turned into. You are still yourself, distressingly enough - not even vampirism can fix you." 

"Right, right, I know." Simon bobs his head and sighs heavily, throwing Raphael a sheepish smile. "Anyway, maybe it'll be different one day." 

"Oh, Simon." Raphael clicks his tongue and finishes his walk to the door, pulling open the door and pausing before walking out. And like the drama king he is, just before he exits, he says, "It's always the young ones with the biggest dreams." 

Simon rolls his eyes and starts undressing to try on the third and - hopefully - final suit. He lets his mind wander as he dresses at human speed, watching himself in the full length mirror. Not much has changed about him, he doesn't think. Sure, he doesn't wear glasses, or grow body or facial hair, and it's like he had to die to get his hair to actually act right,  _ but  _ he still mostly looks like himself. 

Yet, when he puts on the suit, he feels like an entirely different person. He looks  _ good,  _ and he can see it. Raphael clearly knows what the fuck he's doing because Simon feels as if he's just rolled a nat 20.

He idly stares at himself in the mirror, traitorous mind imagining the different reactions some will give when they see him. Clary - faint surprise, gentle teasing, genuine appreciation. His mom, if she could lay eyes on this - teary-eyed, pride, constant smoothing of his lapels. Jace… 

Simon's mind draws a blank. He guesses he won't find that out until the wedding. 

No sooner than he's had that thought does Raphael knock on the door and say, "Simon, there's the embodiment of pretty-yet-disappointing outside at the front for you. Make it quick." 

"Jace is here?" Simon blurts, eyes bulging as he blurs to the door without thinking. Raphael catches him before he can rush out. "What? Is he-" 

"Simon," Raphael says gently, "remember what I said. It's not what you are, but  _ who,  _ and who you are now is a downworlder. Even if you forget, they won't." 

Simon swallows. "Right. Okay. Thank you." 

Raphael rolls his eyes and drops his hand. "Don't thank me, I'm just being a good clan-leader. I still don't like you, or anything really, so don't start believing otherwise." 

"Oh, shut up, you  _ do  _ like me," Simon teases as he skirts around Raphael. "You joke, but you'd be brokenhearted if I ever left you." 

"Sure," Raphael replies flatly. 

Simon clicks his teeth, winks, then darts off. He stops at the entrance before stepping out, hesitation suddenly holding him hostage. The amount that he's seen Jace since dying is fairly low; he can't imagine what Jace is doing here  _ now.  _ Still, they have some kind of unfinished business that Simon doesn't fully understand - they have some shit to amend, a hatchet to bury, or a segway into never meeting each other's eyes as they pretend they were never friends. Either way, Simon wants to get it over with, one way or the other. 

Taking a deep breath, he pushes open the door and darts down the steps until he's standing a few feet behind Jace, who is pressing his hands together and pacing. He must hear Simon somehow because he whirls around, mouth poised with words at the ready, which get lost as soon as he sees Simon. Jace's mouth slowly closes, eyes running over him slowly, hands dropping at his side. 

Of all the reactions that Simon had considered, he never thought speechless would be what he's met with. Honestly, it's an amazing feeling. 

"Hi," Simon greets. 

Jace blinks, then clears his throat. "Hi." 

They kind of just stand there and stare at each other. It's terribly,  _ terribly  _ uncomfortable; the silence is stifling, and only the sounds of them awkwardly shuffling breaks through. Simon, who is used to unbearable moments such as these, on account of being the awkwardest person he knows, isn't as restless as Jace is. He can wait this out, he  _ will,  _ because Jace is the one who showed up. 

Except… Jace just doesn't  _ say anything.  _

"So, uh, what's up?" Simon asks around a cough, eyes skittering to the side. 

Jace crosses his arms. "Izzy made me come here." 

That surprises Simon just a bit. He and Izzy hit it off pretty quickly, especially when she seeked him out on advice about bachelor parties, but she  _ never  _ mentioned anything about Jace. 

"Why?" 

"I'm supposed to be, I dunno,  _ happy  _ about my parabatai getting married, or whatever." 

"Well, I mean, it  _ is  _ a sham wedding, so I'd be a little unhappy if I were you." Simon shrugs. "I'm sure it's an unpleasant thought to imagine your soulmate being in an unfulfilled marriage that makes him completely and utterly miserable." 

Jace stares at him. "Well,  _ yeah,  _ but it's not exactly out of place for people to marry for union rather than love. It isn't fair, but that's just the way our world works sometimes. I'll probably end up doing the same thing." 

"That's not… okay," Simon says slowly, frowning and looking away. "Just because the union isn't idolized by your weird government, or whatever, doesn't mean that it's bad. You and I both know that he's not ever going to be happy after this." 

"Alec knows what he's doing. I don't think he's ever made a wrong decision in his life. Usually, whatever he does is the right thing." 

"In that case, maybe he'll call it off." 

Jace snorts. "I guess we'll see. You'll be there, right? Clary mentioned it to me in passing. You're going as her date?" 

"No, just as friends. I'm her plus one. We kind of agreed that being best friends is the best we can be. It's not as complicated as I thought it would be. I love her, I'll always be her best friend, and we're good with just that." 

"Oh." 

"Yeah," Simon agrees calmly. "What about you and the groom? Did he finally… uh, move on?" 

Jace quirks a small smile. "He wasn't ever hung up on me, just the  _ idea  _ of me, like I said. There wasn't much to move on from, but he definitely did. We made up, by the way." 

"That's good." Simon offers him a genuine smile, watching Jace's face light up. "I'm glad." 

"Me too." 

"So, why did Izzy send you to me?" 

"Right." Jace clears his throat once, twice, then takes a deep breath. "Here's the thing, I've kinda been feeling pretty shitty about… you." 

Simon jolts.  _ "Me?"  _

"Yeah. Before you died, we weren't on the best of terms. We're  _ still  _ not on the best of terms. I get why; I know if roles were reversed, I'd be just as pissed off as you are. And I  _ know  _ you said that you can't forgive me, which is fine, but I need you to know - well, Izzy says that I've got to get it out before I explode or something, but it's really not that serious. Anyway, you need to know that I'm- that I never meant to-" 

"Jace, are you trying - and failing, by the way - to apologize to me?" 

Jace heaves a frustrated sigh. "It's not something I'm entirely familiar with." 

"Raphael was right," Simon jokes, "pretty, yet disappointing." 

"He said that about me?" Jace asks, eyes flicking towards the hotel with the faintest flicker of interest in his eyes. 

"Down, boy," Simon mutters, rolling his eyes. "Even if there was a world where he'd even consider having you, he wouldn't do it on principle alone." 

Jace hums. "That's a shame." 

"Whatever," Simon says loudly, trying to get off this topic quickly. "Anyway, you were apologizing." 

"Oh, right." Jace shrugs slightly as his eyebrows wrinkle together. "Yeah, that's all I got." 

"That's a shitty apology, Jace." 

"I know, I'm sorry." 

Simon chuckles. "That's better. Alright, I'll take it. You're forgiven, you can stop feeling like a piece of shit, but do me a favor and never lie to me again." 

Jace blinks. "Wait, seriously? I'm- just like that?" 

"Yeah, why not? I've got bigger things to worry about than how angry I  _ was.  _ Like you got it, I did too. It's understandable, but that didn't make it okay. And honestly, Jace, I've got too much anger at being dead and on a diet of blood to hold onto the anger I had at you for what you did in hopes of protecting me from this very thing." Simon holds his arms out and gives a slow spin, smiling a little self-deprecating smile when he makes a full circle. "You were right, Clary was right, and I brought this on myself. Trust me, I get it more now than ever." 

"Simon, you- you know this isn't your fault, right? You realize that it was Camille who summoned you, only to kill you?" Jace takes a step closer, peering at Simon with a frown. "What happened to you wasn't- it's not fair. And  _ yes,  _ this is what we were trying to avoid, but that doesn't mean you backed yourself into this corner by being a good friend." 

"Doesn't it?" Simon croaks, swallowing thickly and ducking his head. "I mean, I sometimes wonder what would have happened if Clary left me to rot instead, if I wasn't that great of a friend at all." 

"It'd be a great loss, that's what," Jace says forcefully, drawing closer to frown at him harder. "Hey, look at me. No, seriously,  _ look at me.  _ I know this world seems hard to maneuver, and I know you feel like you're out of your depth, but things will get easier. Clary will help you, Raphael too, I'm sure, and now that I know you won't be angry at the sight of me, I'll help where I can if you need me to." 

"Why?  _ Why?  _ You have no obligation to me, not anymore. I'm not the mundane you have to babysit, I'm just a vampire who still has a habit of running into things, even at maximum speed." Simon looks up, staring at Jace seriously. "Why would you offer to help me?" 

"So, yeah, you  _ were  _ the mundane I had to babysit. I'm not going to apologize for that," Jace bites out, narrowing his eyes. "But fuck you if you think that's all you ever were. Just like you did, things  _ changed."  _

Simon stares at him for a beat. "Okay," he agrees carefully, his voice going soft. "So, what, we're friends now? Just like before?" 

"It's tweaked a little, but it's a lot more honest now, so I'll take it," Jace murmurs playfully. 

"Sounds good to me." 

"Good." 

After too long of a pause where they just stare at each other with smiles, Simon finally blows out a long breath and says, "So, see you at the wedding?" 

"What?" Jace jerks, standing up tall. "Oh, right. Yeah, that's- yeah, I'll see you there." 

"Goodnight, Jace," Simon says, smiling so hard his face hurts as he starts backing towards the entrance to the hotel. 

Jace starts backing away too, halting for a moment indecisively. He bites his bottom lip, then raises his voice to blurt out, "You look good, by the way. In the suit and in general. Handsome, I mean." 

Simon is ninety-nine percent sure that his heart can't move anymore, but try telling that to the organ currently feeling phantom flutterings like it can suddenly kickstart back up.  _ "Goodnight,  _ Jace," he calls again, laughing softly as he breezes away, leaving Jace standing outside alone.    
  
  


* * *

It takes nearly all of Simon's restraint to keep himself from letting out a whoop when Alec abandons the altar and kisses Magnus with fervor. He can feel his face split with a wide smile and has to sit on his hands to keep from clapping. No one else seems like they'll clap. 

Well, that's not entirely true. When he looks, Clary looks soft with happiness - her and Alec get along, mostly, and she genuinely cares about him. Izzy is positively  _ beaming  _ with joy, tears clinging to her eyelashes. And Jace… well, he's got this little proud smirk as he watches, eyes lit up with love and adoration, probably deeper than Simon can even understand because of the whole parabatai thing. Outside of them, however, most people look confused or downright  _ annoyed.  _

The bride-not-to-be even looks pleased, even if hers is tinged with sadness that doesn't seem to pertain to Alec and Magnus at all. Simon feels a small jolt of pity for her, but her smile is kind, so he hopes she knows how major this all is. 

When it's over, Simon patiently waits his turn to go congratulate them with Clary at his side. 

"Simon, calm down, you look like you're about to vibrate out of your skin," Clary says playfully, watching him with a fond smile. 

"Sorry, I just- this is so awesome, you know? I  _ know  _ Alec doesn't like me, which I don't get, but I'm seriously happy for him," Simon exclaims, waving his hands around wildly. "No one deserves to spend their whole lives unhappy." 

Clary nods. "I know, and he definitely would have been, on account of being gay." 

"Yeah- wait, you  _ know?"  _ Simon's head whips around in blatant surprise. 

"Well, duh. I mean, I figured that out early on. He had a thing for Jace, which seems to have passed, thank god. Which also, incidentally, was the entire reason that he didn't like you." 

"I'm not following." 

Clary rolls her eyes. "I know you're not  _ stupid,  _ Simon. Alec was jealous of you because Jace is pretty much head over heels for you. Funnily enough, Alec didn't like me much at first because he thought Jace was into me, but it became clear  _ very  _ quickly who Jace had in his sights." 

"Hold the phone, _what," _Simon sputters, eyes bulging as he gapes at his best friend. "You're saying that Jace likes me, and _that's _why Alec hates me?" 

"Well… yeah," Clary says slowly. "I mean, Alec and I had a pretty deep discussion about it when I was asking advice on dating his sister. It's kind of funny, right? I'm crushing on his sister, he  _ was  _ crushing on who turned out to be my brother, while said brother is crushing on my best friend." 

"I need to sit down." Simon sways slightly, but makes no move to pull away. "Okay, so wait, you and Izzy?" 

Clary frowns. "No. I don't know.  _ Maybe.  _ She was kind of hung up on Meliorn, then there's the whole issue of her trying to make her family proud, which closes the door to more with me because her mom would probably be furious. But there's something there, Simon, I  _ know  _ there is." 

"So, is that why you never… with me?" 

"Yeah, I'm really gay." 

"Ah," Simon says, nodding, "that makes sense." 

"I'm sorry I never mentioned it. To be honest, I didn't really  _ know  _ until I stopped looking at Jace and started looking at Izzy." 

"You looked at Jace?" 

"For like… a day." Clary snorts and shakes her head, eyes rolling. "We had an instant connection, which makes sense  _ now,  _ because we turned out to be siblings. But he got really caught up with you, so his attention shifted, which left me free to wander around with open eyes." 

"You're wrong, you know," Simon tells her, sighing heavily. "Jace doesn't have a thing for me, we're seriously just friends." 

"Who do you think knows him better, you or his sister?" Clary challenges, arching an eyebrow. 

Simon snorts. "You've been his sister for like, two weeks, so shut up." 

"Yeah, but I've been spending as much time with him as I can. After finding out Valentine was my father, I was clinging so hard to a family that had no connection to him, but the fact is… my mom loved him once. Jace is  _ good,  _ you know, and he was actually raised by Valentine, so he's just good to his core. I'm proud of him, I'm proud to have a family that survived my father." Clary smiles slightly, looking up at Simon with heartbreakingly sad eyes, her hands shaking. "I think about them, and I realize that I can survive him too." 

"Oh, Fray," Simon whispers, reaching out to draw her into a hug, "you can survive anything." 

Clary clings to him for a moment, then sniffles and pulls away with a watery smile. "God, listen to me, I'm getting emotional for no reason. What I  _ mean  _ is Jace and I have gotten really close, okay? You two may just be friends, but I'm pretty positive that he'd be open to being more." 

"I'm not sure if that's such a good idea," Simon admits, brushing her hair away from her face. He offers her an awkward smile. "I'm not angry at him anymore, if I ever was, but things are too complicated for me to just… go for it." 

"Well, he never will. He's not the type." Clary sighs and shakes her head. "Valentine messed him up in a lot of ways that he pretty much ignores or just doesn't realize. Love scares him, isn't that crazy? When you died, he told me a horrible story about a falcon, and Jace genuinely believes that to love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be destroyed." 

"Shit," Simon says weakly. 

Clary looks up at him. "I'm not telling you what to feel, or what to do, but I know you better than I know anyone. And if there's one thing I learned since joining this world, it's that you can't let this world's restraints hold you back from what you know is right." 

Simon clears his throat and looks away, scanning the room. Jace is talking to a young boy, smiling and nodding to whatever the boy is saying. Simon quickly looks away, chest pinching uncomfortably, and searches out a way to escape this conversation. There's an open spot beside Izzy in front of Alec and Magnus, and the uplifting excitement from before comes back in full swing. 

"I'm gonna- I should go congratulate them," Simon says quickly, speed-walking away before Clary can so much as protest. 

To say that Simon is overly excited about someone bailing on their own wedding is an understatement. But he can't  _ help it.  _ He tries to explain why it's so amazing, going into a reenactment of  _ The Graduate,  _ but Alec and Magnus just look at him in unimpressed confusion. 

Alec asks, "Who invited the vampire?" 

Simon deflates. "Seriously? Come on, man." 

"Oh, don't be so  _ rude,  _ big brother," Izzy scolds lightly, shooting Simon a smile. 

Alec rolls his eyes, then sighs. "Fine. Thank you, or whatever." 

"Or whatever," Magnus echoes in amusement. 

"Hey," comes a voice Simon knows all too well. Jace is smiling casually as he walks up. "What's-" 

Simon doesn't mean to; he isn't sure where it  _ comes from.  _ But suddenly, without warning, he turns to Jace and blurts out, "Can I talk to you alone?" 

Before this very moment, he had no plans to do such a thing, and before Clary got to him, he'd probably never have done it. But he can't back out now, and Jace is already nodding, so Simon just clears his throat and follows Jace out of the room and down a hall. The whole journey is spent in silence, while Simon tries to work out what it is exactly that his mind thinks he needs to talk to Jace about alone. 

They end up in a room that Simon doesn't pay much attention to at first. There's a bed with golden silk sheets and numerous pillows, training equipment in the corner, and mahogany furniture pieces. It's not until Simon notices the pictures focused on Izzy, Alec, and the young boy from the ceremony on the small side-table beside the bed that he actually realizes that they're in  _ Jace's  _ room. 

"This is your room," Simon notes in surprise. 

Jace looks at him with raised eyebrows. "Yeah, you said you wanted to be alone. My space, no one invades it, this is as alone as we're gonna get for now. So, what did you need to talk about?" 

"Why are you so nice to me?" 

"Should I… be mean to you?" 

Simon makes a low, frustrated sound. "No, I just mean, you're usually more…  _ asshole-ish  _ than you act with me. You're sarcastic, sometimes rude, and you get annoyed really easily; and I  _ know  _ for a fact that I'm pretty annoying. It's just… it doesn't make sense. You're kind to me, even sweet, and I don't- I can't figure it out." 

"I wasn't aware that it was an issue for you." 

"It's- Jace, it  _ isn't,  _ okay? Look, I'm just going to ask you something, and I need you to be completely honest with me." 

"I won't lie to you, Simon, even if you don't like the truth." Jace stares at him seriously, crossing his arms as he leans back against the closed door. "Never again, I promise you that." 

Simon nods, swallowing thickly. "Okay, good. That's good. I want to know if everything, all of this, even before I knew everything, was just because you  _ had  _ to, or if you treated me how you did because you actually cared." 

"Is that why you were so angry? Because you thought it was all  _ fake?"  _ Jace drops his arms to his sides and stares at Simon in open shock. "You were- okay,  _ yes,  _ to begin with, you were just a task, but you were  _ never  _ an obligation. I could have let you look in that church the first night and sent you on your way. I didn't have to offer to help you the next night. I could have faked a whole story about who I was, or gave you a different name, rather than keeping it as close to the truth as possible. I never lied to you, not if I could help it, and I can't  _ fake  _ caring if I tried." 

That settles between them for a long, stretching moment. The space between them suddenly yawns, cracking open wide, feeling much farther apart than it did mere seconds ago. Simon has to go tense and stiff to keep from evaporating the many inches between their bodies, his mind in disarray as his body tries to call the shots. 

That's the blunt  _ truth,  _ and Simon knows it with whole unbeating heart. It's strange to hear, to have a definitive answer that doesn't support the anger and hurt he's been harboring. He's been assuming that it was the other way around, that he was nothing more than a  _ job,  _ that he was a grade A idiot for ever thinking that Jace actually  _ cared.  _ It takes him a long time to gather his thoughts and reroute his way of thinking to fit this new ordeal. 

He speaks when he's mostly settled, but apparently not enough because what he blurts out is, "Clary says you have a crush on me." 

Jace doesn't react. Calmly, he says, "Am I still telling the truth, or can I go back to lying?" 

"I mean, if I tell you that you can lie, then I'll know it's a lie," Simon muses, eyeing Jace warily. "So, sure, go ahead and lie to me." 

"Okay," Jace replies easily. "I don't like you at all. In fact, I find everything about you annoying, and I'm definitely not fond of you. I wasn't upset when you died, I never cared about you to begin with, and I wasn't as relieved as I've ever been when you crawled out of your grave. I think you're a monster, and I think you brought it on yourself,  _ and  _ I couldn't possibly imagine having anything to do with you, nor do I want to,  _ especially  _ not romantically." 

Simon blinks rapidly, lips parting. He has to translate that, which takes a moment, and when he finishes, he has to take double the time to process it. The way Jace lies is utterly ridiculous. If Simon hadn't known he was lying, he'd probably find himself believing that. It flows like the calmest stream, sounding more honest than his actual truths do, and Simon is  _ baffled  _ as fuck. 

"Damn, Jace, if I didn't know you were lying, I'd actually believe that. You're a good liar." 

"Am I, or do you simply not see yourself how I do?" 

Simon sucks in a sharp breath. "Shit," he mumbles weakly, and that's all the restraint he has. 

In a split second, he has Jace pinned to the door, their fingers threading together over their heads, and their lips colliding. 

It was a long time coming. 

Jace goes pliant pretty much immediately, sagging back and humming into the kiss like he's been waiting for it this whole time. Simon's attempting to take this slow, but he's just too  _ pleased.  _ The kiss is tender for just a moment, lips brushing in a sweet glide, then it morphs into something impassioned very quickly after that. 

In a short time, they're kissing open-mouthed and wet, swapping groans and straining towards each other like they'd prefer to meld into one person. Simon is content to make out with Jace for the rest of forever, but unfortunately, Jace is mostly human and actually needs oxygen unlike him, so he pulls away and stares at Jace with wide eyes. Blond hair frames flushed cheeks that home a sharp jaw, and Jace's lips are plump and bright red from Simon's attention to them. Jace is fucking  _ beautiful.  _

"Thanks," Jace rasps roughly, and only then does Simon realize he said that out loud. 

Sheepishly, Simon clears his throat and mutters, "If those are gonna be the lies that you're gonna tell, feel free to lie to me again." 

"Okay," Jace agrees immediately. "In that case, you're not attractive to me at all, especially not in this moment. Also, I  _ really  _ don't want to date you and deal with whatever shitstorm is coming my way with you at my side." 

"Why is that so freaking  _ romantic?"  _ Simon blurts in genuine confusion, then dips back into kiss Jace yet again, softer this time. 

Jace sighs into it, eyes fluttering closed. It's not as heated or rushed, but it's no less intense. Simon has to drop one of Jace's hands to reach down and brush his hair behind his ear, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. His hand takes a mind of its own and decides to delve into the soft strands, which Jace seems to enjoy immensely if his moan is anything to by. 

When Simon pulls away, leaning their foreheads together, Jace croaks, "If you don't stop, I'll lie to you all the time." 

"It's only okay if I ask you to." 

"Glad we cleared that up." 

Simon huffs a laugh and opens his eyes, pulling his head back a bit. "Do you really think we could work?" 

"I think that we'd hate it if we didn't try. Or,  _ I  _ would. Things are looking up, but that doesn't mean they won't get hard again. If they do, I want to face them with you, or for you, or  _ because  _ of you. My sister tells me that love isn't a weakness, but a strength; I don't know how or  _ why,  _ but somehow… you make me believe her." 

"That wasn't a lie." 

"No," Jace agrees softly, "it wasn't." 

Simon smiles. "So, come hell or high water, we're dealing with the shitstorm together and finding happiness in between? That's what you're offering?" 

"No, that's what I'm  _ asking,"  _ Jace corrects. 

"Come what may, huh?" Simon murmurs. 

Jace hums. "Come what may," he confirms. 

"Okay, let's try it your way."    
  


* * *

Jace's way, as it turns out, works really well. Through everything, through every horrible curveball thrown their way, they hold strong through it. And, unsurprisingly, there's  _ a lot  _ of things that happen that could easily tear them apart, yet they never let it. Come what may, they make it through together. 

And Simon? 

Simon's never been so glad that it was Jace he met that one fateful night, as opposed to… literally anything else.

**Author's Note:**

> Stay tuned and subscribe for the second story in the series! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Don't hesitate to drop off some kudos and please leave a comment; I love them so much! 
> 
> Ta!
> 
> -SOBS


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